Smorgas Bord

Now What?

2009-04-02T18:48:00.000+08:00

After two so-so years in PolSci and three awesome years in OrCom, I am finally finally exiting the halls of CAS. Graduate na ako. Graduate na ako. Ano na ngayon?

Nagpasa na ako ng bound thesis kanina na iniyakan ko pa kasi sabi ng magaling na CJ's xerox e 12nn ko daw makukuha. Alas quatro na, wala pa rin. Anyway, nagpasa nga ako. Kasama ko pa sa RH ang mommy ko dahil nagkita kami sa rob. Pagkatapos ko magpasa, naupo ako sa bench sa RH lobby. Tapos medyo surreal ung pakiramdam. Yung tipong, "shet isa na to sa mga huling beses na uupo ako sa bench na to."

Hindi ko maexplain, mas unsure yung pakiramdam ko kesa excited. Unsure dahil pagkatapos ng graduation rites, actually ngayon pa lang, nararamdaman ko na ang sarili kong nagtatanong ng isang malaking "now what?" Napakadaling sabihing magtatrabaho na ako, gusto ko maging brand manager, etc etc. Pero isipin nyo na lang, halos buong buhay ko, 16 years to be exact, nag-aaral ako. Isang malaking routine ng buhay ko ang mawawala. Syempre nung sinabi ko to sa nanay ko, sabi nya "Magdoktor ka na lang kaya". Tumawa ako pero pramis, sineseryoso ko ang mga comment na ganun at nasasaktan ako. Nalilito lang kasi ako lalo.

Andaming memories ng CAS, super successes at super Math failures din. OO, Math lang ang failure ko at napakasakit sa akin nun.

Sa UP ko natutunang maging independent at free thinker. Mas lumawak ang kaisipan ko at pag-intindi sa mga bagay bagay. Siguro dahil na rin yun sa mga taong nakakasalamuha ko. Hindi restricted sa isang stereotype ang mga naencounter ko. May mga theist at atheist (extremes ng parehas kung minsan), may mga komunista at kapitalista, may mga aktibista at anti-aktibista, may hetero, homo, bi, at unsure sa kanilang sexual orientation.

Na-witness ko ang madugong ebolusyon ng itsura ni lola patola. Dati cool na lola sya, ngayon bordering on babaeng bakla na (*ahem MKule, mas gusto ko yung dati). Na-experience ko pa na make shift offices ang offices ng DAC at DSS sa RH 220 at RH 227 respectively. Naranasan ko pa ang sobrang hirap na enrollment system lalo na pag late reg ka. Nagkaroon din kami ng tambayan katabi ng "dating" tambayan ng MaSig. Naranasan naming mawalan ng tambayan. Naasar din ako sa unti unting pagtaas ng benta sa Nutrilicious, Smokey's, Tita Crem's at ung isang tindahan na hanggang ngayon di ko alam ang pangalan.

At higit sa lahat, sa UP ko nakilala ang lalakeng ipinalit ko sa ex ko. Hahahaha! Don't get me wrong, mahal ko si Alex kaya nga kami pa rin, almost five years na.

Mahal ko ang UP, hindi lang dahil sa prestige nito, pero dahil sa ideologies at mentality na ipinamana nya sa akin.

Sa mga prof at iba pang taong na-encounter ko sa loob ng limang taon ko sa UP, maraming maraming salamat.

Ngayon, kelangan ko na sauluhin ang UP Naming Mahal kasi kakantahin pala sa graduation. Hahaha.

Congrats batch 09. Congrats OrCom.

Pangaral ng Cool na Parent - No, Hindi ko to Parent, Natuwa lang ako. :)

2009-03-31T21:00:00.000+08:00

Anak, sa maniwala ka o sa hindi, ikaw ang pinakamagandang nangyari sa buhay ko.. Kahit hindi kami naging mag-asawa ng nanay mo, sana huwag kang magtatampo kung ikasal kami sa iba at magkaroon ka ng mga bagong kapatid. Magmahalan kayo bilang magkakapatid, at huwag ninyong gawing telenobela ang buhay ninyo dahil sa walang kakwenta-kwentang bagay.

Mahalin mo ang nanay mo. Wala siyang ibang inisip kundi kapakanan Mo. Kung paluin ka man niya o sigawan, ito ay dahil may nagawa kang hindi sang-ayon sa mga prinsipyo niya. Itanong mo kung bakit ka niya pinapagalitan. Kung mali naman talaga, huwag mo nang ulitin. Piliin mong mabuti ang mga kaibigan mo. Huwag sumali sa barkada na may iisang stereotype. Huwag sumali sa barkada na puro jologs, puro conio, puro bakla, puro nerd, puro manginginom, puro manyak, puro leadtech, puro equipment tech, puro Process engr, puro equipment engr, puro visor, puro manager, puro HR, puro IE o puro nasa taas lang ang kaya mong batiin! Siguraduhin mong nakikita mo ang lahat ng klase ng tao sa barkada mo. Mas marami kang matututunan sa kanila kesa sa TV o sa bahay mo. Marami silang maituturo sa yo na hindi namin kaya, o hindi appropriate na kami ang magturo.
Maging fluent ka sa written and spoken English. Pag-aralan mong
mabuti ang subject-verb agreement. Huwag kang matakot mag-consult sa dictionary o thesaurus kapag may hindi ka naiintindihan. Kasi anak,darating ang araw, makakaapak ka sa ibang bansa, at sigurado akong marami kang makakausap na hindi makakaintindi ng Tagalog. Kahit saang sulok sa mundo, makakahanap ka ng nagsasalita ng English. Kung wala ka naming makuhang trabaho eh pwede kang pumasok sa call center at dun mo gamitin ang english mo! Gawin mo ang lahat para matuto kang mag-gitara. Pag-aralan mo ding kumanta ng nasa tono. Kahit saan mo kasi dalhin ang gitara, maaaliw ka e. Isipin mo yung mga bulag. Hindi sila nakakapag-PSP.
Hindi sila nakakapag-Internet. Hindi sila nanonood ng TV, at hindi sila nakakapag-enjoy sa mall. Pero bigyan mo sila ng gitara at
pakantahin mo, matutuwa sila. May kuryente man o wala, mapapasaya ka ng gitara. Makinig ka sa mga kanta ng Beatles. Kapag naging aware ka na sa pag-develop ng musical style ng Beatles, kahit anong genre kaya mong i-appreciate. Sa kanila ka matututong magsulat ng poetry, at sa kanila mo rin matututunan kung paano lagyan ng music ang poetry na ito. Saan ka nakakita ng banda na lampas 30 years nang naghiwalay, patay na ang ilan sa mga miyembro, pero sikat at ginagaya pa rin? Beatles lang ang makakagawa nun, anak. Kung di mo naman trip ang Beatles eh pwede kang makinig ng EMO, grunge rock, heavy metal, indie, punk o alternative! Basta wag ka makikinig sa Cueshe at kay April Boy!

Pagdating mo ng college, huwag mong kakalimutang subukan lahat ng kalokohan sa mundo. Bakit college? Kasi kung high school ka
magiging sira ulo, mawawalan ka ng options sa college. Baka sa walang
kwentang money-centric computer institute ka bumagsak. Mag-aral ka ng
mabuti sa elementary at high school. Dapat makapasok ka sa UP, Ateneo, La Salle , o UST, AdU, Mapua or PUP. Dapat maganda yung course mo. Mas maganda kung engineering ang course mo! Pero kung gusto mong yumaman, Nursing na lang kunin mo! Matatagalan kasi
pagyaman mo kung engineer ka! Sa college, balansehin mo yung academics mo tsaka kalokohan.

Gumimik ka pero pasukan mo lahat ng klase mo kinbukasan. Huwag magpakalasing kung wala kang siguradong uuwian at kung walang aalalay sa yo pag sumusuka ka na. Wag maadik sa droga. Sumubok kang mag-marijuana pero subok lang. Kung dadating yung panahong hindi mo na mapigilang makipag-sex, siguraduhin mo lang na gaganda ang lahi natin kung sakaling mabuntis mo yung makaka-sex
mo. Siguraduhin mo rin na babae ang partner mo! Marami kasi sa Bora at Puerto eh mga bakla! Practice safe sex. Wag mong kakalimutang mag-survey ng lugar kung may camera o wala. Kawawa naman ang nanay mo kung malalaman niyang may scandal ka. Kung gagawa ka naman ng scandal, make sure na nasa separate na Memory Card sya, iwasan mo na ma-corrupt para mai-blutooth mo sakin!

Huwag mong gawing trial and error ang pagkakaroon ng girlfriend. Alamin mo muna kung ano ang kaya mong ibigay sa isang relationship, at kapag nalaman mo na, doon ka maghanap ng isang babaeng magiging masaya sa mga maibibigay mo. Pakinggan mong mabuti ang mga kuwento ng girlfriend mo. Alamin mo kung ano ang mga gusto niya at mga ayaw niya. Huwag mong sisigawan. Dahil ang babae, kapag pinakinggan mo siya at alam niyang nirerespeto mo siya, mamahalin ka nun habambuhay.

Pagka-graduate mo, iwanan mo na ang mga araw na umaasa ka pa sa Ibang tao para mabuhay. Pumasok ka sa Sunpower para malaman mo ang value ng pera! Mahirap ata kitain ang 9300 sa isang buwan! Dose oras na Load Unload yun! Matuto kang mag-ipon. Alamin mo kung tama yung kinakaltas sa sweldo mo. Pinaghirapan mo yang pera na yan. Huwag mong hayaang kunin na lang ng kung sinu-sino. Bago ka gumastos, lagi mong itanong sa sarili mo kung ang bibilhin mo ay isang NEED , isa lamang WANT, isa lamang YABANG, o isa lamang SUNOD SA USO! Sana maging accountable sa lahat ng ginagawa mo. Oo, hindi maganda ang sitwasyon nung dumating ka sa mundo. Pero sana sa paglaki mo, huwag mong sisisihin ang mga pangyayaring ito kaya ka nagrerebelde o nalulugar sa masamang landas. Ang buhay mo ngayon ay dahil sa desisyon namin na mabuhay ka. Pero tandaan mo to: lahat ng mangyayari sa buhay mo e dahil sa mga desisyon mo.

Anak, marami pa akong gustong sabihin sa iyo. Buti na lang naitanong ko sa isang kaibigan ko kung ano ang kaisa-isang advice na
maibibigay niya sa anak nya, at eto yung nasabi niya sa kin. Sa lahat ng maibibigay kong advice, eto ang pinakamahalaga:
LEARN.Huwag kang matakot matuto. Matuto ka sa Discovery at National Geographic channels. Matuto ka sa library. Matuto ka sa Internet.
Matuto ka sa news. Matuto ka sa Bible, Koran, at teachings ni Buddha.Matuto ka sa mga pagkakamali namin ng nanay mo. Matuto ka sa mga kaibigan mo.Higit sa lahat Matuto ka sa mga pagkakamali mo.

Where Did All the Cute Guys in High School Go?

2009-01-18T10:59:00.000+08:00

Imagine you high school crush whom you cried your eyes out for for almost all your four years because he didn't give a damn about you. To top that pain off, your circle of friends make his slightest glimpse, his corniest jokes, or even him mentioning your name (because the teacher asked him to look for you) a big deal. Telling you non-stop about how cute he was looking for you.

Imagine the time you had to play truth or dare and your "very supportive" friends dared you to shake his hand. You did it though, almost fainting at the touch of his skin. They thought that you would faint too as your skin turned from pale pink to just pale.

Imagine having her sister as one of your close friends and it just so happened that you and that guy love the Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys series. Fortunately for you, you have the complete collection and he has no choice but to borrow stuff from you. Imagine his sister making a very very very big deal out of that.

Remember that press conference you had to attend. Oh lord, one week of seeing him 24/7. He writes news, you do the editorials. Maybe you could help each other out. True to your assumptions, being the assuming girl that you are, you did get close, or did you? Maybe you just assumed that you did. Does it matter? You got "close" right? Close enough to be in the same group who goes to the mess hall every meal time. That one week was enough even though things got back to "normal" when the conference ended.

He was one of the cutest guys in high school that you swooned and shivered at the sight of. He was a dream, your dream and probably the dream of half your school. He was part of the top ten of his class, a great writer, volleyball player, and musician. The one complete package every high school girl would want to have.

Only, he had his eyes for someone else.

High school ended without a really good conversation between you two.

Then he texts you one day five years later. More of a group message you think. A get together of those who could come that day. You get excited, jittery at the thought of meeting him again. You buy new make up because you left your set at home. You try to look as pretty as possible out of those "school clothes" you were wearing. Stars were sparkling in your eyes as you get more excited approaching the meeting place.

And there he was, his back on you. Standing tall and looking gorgeous in his black shirt, black pants and red Chucks. You call his name. Holding your breath, anxious at what he looks like now. And just like in the movies, everything moved in slow motion. He turned around, smiled at you.

And all those stars sparkling in your eyes suddenly went out of sparkle. You stand in shock and find yourself saying out loud "What the hell happened to you?!"

Your high school flame, the one you almost passed out on the mere look of him, the complete package . . . was a complete loser at life. Not just physically, but everything as well. No plans for his life, no dreams. He was contented on being mommy's boy with acne scars on his face.

You think maybe your standards just went up or maybe "his quality" really just plunged down.

The Coldest January Ever

2009-01-15T01:50:00.000+08:00

According to my Google weather forecast, the temperature today is 21 degrees celcius. That's very cold and probably one of the coldest days here in Manila. I took my comforter out of the closet and started using it since last week. I haven't been using the electric fan for almost a week now, (yey to electricity conservation!) and have been hybernating (asleep from 12am til 11am) almost everyday. My earliest class is at 1pm so I don't have to rush.

Cold weather results to unproductivity.

I would like to disagree. First off, define productivity.

I found myself engorged in another offline RPG, Sacred (after hours of playing Fate, Diablo, and even Kivi's Underworld) which takes most of my "precious" time away. The same "precious" time that I should be spending on thesis/speech making. I am productive. My Seraphim is now level 22 after just three days! :D

No, I am not bumming. I am "leisurely" taking my time.

I pressured myself yesterday to revise my thesis proposal and finalize my research instrument. Guess what? It's 6:45 am of the following day, I am still awake. I have been productive. I have finished my thesis proposal before my personal Friday deadline. I feel so accomplished.

I am debating with myself to whether I should go out and have breakfast at Jollibee or stay home and sleep. Tic-toc-tic-toc. I really don't know. I'm craving for both Jollibee pancakes and sleep under the warmth of my thick comforter. Can I do both simultaneously, pretty please?

I will graduate this semester. I can feel it. OJT folder, you're next.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

2008-12-24T19:57:00.000+08:00

and a Happy New Year :D

The Big Christmas Break: A Retrospect

2008-12-19T16:10:00.000+08:00

My last semester in college is definitely the most exiting one I have ever had. Within a few months I changed from a marketing noob to a noob with a Mark Prof hat. Yes, still a noob. :)

I quit my organization, even though I LOVE advertising and still do, because of reasons both personal and technical. I am still accepting ad jobs though. Will be posting my portfolio soon.

My internet shop's doing well and I can increase my daily income quota next year.

I'm applying for big companies and am hoping to get into P&G or Nestle. Come to think of it, I'm still not done with my revised resume. Dear Rona, please wait for me to send my CV. :D

Travelled from Manila to Mindoro today and experienced the most stomach wrenching trips of my life. We really thought the boat was going to overturn as the waves were HUMONGOUS! People were already crying and the emergency alarm was already screaming. I was too busy vomitting (first time I ever vomitted on a boat trip) and being nauseated to panic. The usually 45 minute boat ride was prolonged to a total of two hours because of the HUMONGOUS waves. My tummy's still hurting. But at least we're alive.

I have to finish my OJT folder before January and have to find an instrument for my thesis. And I am on the verge of procrastinating once again. But no, I will graduate on time, one year late. :D

Happy Christmas to everyone and may you all have a bountiful new year ahead of you.

Naintriga sa Colorgenics Chorva

2008-11-21T18:24:00.000+08:00

You don't need anxiety and problems. All you really seek is a conflict free environment which can offer peace and mental security. You don't like the idea of being alone and, whatever the reason, at this time of your life you feel as if you are being 'left out'. What you really need is perhaps some 'tender loving care'.

Comment: Ayoko talaga ng conflict. Sino bang may gusto nun? Pero I don't feel "left out" kasi ako yung lumalayo. So, why would I feel left out? And I have all the tender loving care i need.

You are a true extrovert, frivolous and outgoing. You need to feel in control of any situation. If matters are not proceeding according to plan you tend to get extremely irritable and perhaps become difficult to live with.

Comment: Yes, I am an extrovert, frivolous (baliw, bangag, sabaw), and outgoing. BUT I don't need to feel control of ANY situation. Controlling ako sa mga bagay na alam kong kaya kong i-control, otherwise I let other people who know better control the situation.

You feel that you deserve far more than is being attributed to you, but there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offense, but as matters stand you realize that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

Comment: OO, brat ako. Kaya don't disappoint me. hahaha!

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

Comment: Comment on first three sentences is the same as my first comment. And refer to my precious blogs regarding working alone. :D

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

As I have said, nobody wants to be in conflict. I do not want any more arguments and I wish everybody (including myself) would just grow up and be mature enough to not be overly sensitive. I don't want to be left alone, I want people with issues to leave me alone though. :D

Sembreak na!!

2008-10-19T15:22:00.000+08:00

Yan ang sigaw ng karamihan ng kaklase ko. Pero ako.. wala. Wala na talaga akong sembreak. Alam kong hinanda ko na ang sarili ko pero kahapon ko lang narealize na walang wala na talaga akong sembreak.

"S-leepful nights
E-xam free days
M-orning smiles
B-atugan mode
R-estful afternoons
E-xcessive eating
A-blazing energy
K-ahirapan: walang allowance"

Natanggap ko to nung isang araw, galing kay JP. Parang gusto ko magreply, "sige JP, rub it in :("

Kahapon ang unang araw ng MarkProf meeting. Nakakastress. Oo, masaya. Pero nakakastress. Mararamdaman mo talaga ang competetiveness ng mga tao. May mga tao rin namang magtataas lang ng kamay para may masabi pero wala namang sense. Pero karamihan, over-achievers talaga.

Natouch ako sa sinabi nung founder, si Ding Salvador. Isa kasi ya kasi sa nag-interview sa group namin nung 2nd screening. Sabi nya, "who here was from the group I interviewed during the 2nd screening?", nagtaas kami ng kamay. Tapos sabi nya "who's the girl from UP Manila?", e di nagtaas ako ng kamay. Sabi nya, "I fought hard for you."

Wow. Naalala nya ko. Hindi lang yun, pinaglaban nya na makapasok ako. Hindi lang yun, naniwala sya na may potential ako. Saya.

Unang meeting pa lang, dapat orientation lang ang mangyayari pero hindi. May konting lectures na kami saka assignment na hindi ko maintindihan kung anong gagawin. Kelangan daw icompare yung market-driving strategy nung company/brand na nakaasign sa akin sa traditional chorva nung chorvang brand. Pramis, ang alam ko lang na marketing e yung nakita ko sa sari sari store ng lola ko. Nasabaw ako. Nahiya akong magtanong kung ano yung traditional pero ngayon narealize ko dapat nagtanong ako kasi four pages yung kelangan namin ipasa sa sabado. Sabaw. Unang una, ano yung traditional? Pangalawa, ano yung Metro International na kumpanya? Pwede namang Nintendo Wii yung mapunta sa akin, o kaya Ikea, o kaya Cebu Pacific, bakit Metro International? :( Tapos hindi lang yun. May second assignment na rin kami due sa November 3.

Pero masaya. Masaya talaga. Pinagpapasa na kami ng resume (wow, buti naalala ko, sa 25 na rin nga pala to ipapasa) kasi naghahanap na ang Johnson & Johnson at Unilever ng applicants. Tapos ang saya ng incentive. Kapag nanalo kami sa case study, may 20,000 php! Tapos pag valedictorian ka pa ng batch, another 10,000php! Woohoo! Kung may ganitong motivation lang ang UP, shet, Suma Cum Laude ako! Hahaha!

May Markprof bag, notebook and jacket rin na kasama. Tapos para kaming laging mag ooffice. Hindi naman business formal ang attire pero business casual. Libre ang AM snack, lunch saka PM snack. Yung canteen ng Asia Pacific College, yung college na pagmamayari ni Henry Sy, parang food court ng SM! Nakakatuwa! Pati yung mga CR nila.

Pero ang ganda ng room namin. Auditorium style na 40 person capacity lang. Ang lamig lamig! Next week si Emily Abrera ng McCann ang lecturer namin. Hah! Exciting!

Nga pala, sa mga 3rd year OrCom na may leadership capabilities at gustong magtry ng marketing: Humihingi ang MarkProf ng referrals para sa "sure" slots for MarkProf next year. Tapos pwede rin kayo mag sit-in sa isa sa mga lectures namin. Free food, free seminar from the business industry's biggest names. Kung interested kayo, text nyo ko sa 0927-3069599 or PM nyo ko dito. Pramis, once in a life time thing to. At sobrang fulfilling ng pakiramdam.

Questions on How I Work

2008-10-16T23:04:00.000+08:00

Maybe this is a sequel of my previous post Reasons Why I'd Rather Work Alone or Else Work With Just Alex.

Having to work with different groups now makes me think on two things. First, I'm really better off alone, and second is there something wrong with the way I lead or is there something wrong with how other people lead? I have posted a rather harsh entry on the former thought so I'm not going into the details of that.

"....if the group sleeps tight and sound tonight and tomorrow night I WILL KILL myself and YOU." was one of the frustrated messages I received today. I know, we are all in shock and in so much disappointment over what happened, how he reacted. I understand that you spent more time on this project basically because you said it was "your passion". I know, I understand when you seem to have all the workload in the world and your group mates seem to be slacking off. As much as I would like to defend myself and the other group members over the slacking off thing, I'd rather not. Not because that statement is true but because that's not the whole point of this blog (note: re read the title to get the flow of thought again).

As I have said, I know the frustration and the head/heartache caused by such incidents. But now, as I look back, I wonder if I was ever that forward about my feelings towards my (past, present, and future) group mates. And then I realize, I am still too passive. Bitchy, yes, but passive.

I am the type of person that (as I have reiterated over and over again) would rather work alone. Not because I can't work well with groups (in fact, I work super good with groups), but because I tend to get disappointed easily with mediocre work.

I am not that forward with how I feel about my group mates, unless provoked or unless I'm really close with those I work with. If I didn't like something, I'd inform the person he/she did a good job but the work needs to me modified so I'll change it. It usually ends up great. And now, I ask myself "Am I too passive?". For one, I could never ever send messages of negativity more so death threats to my group mates. I tend to be over optimistic at times for my group mates to feel more positive about the work, but sulk in a corner and get eaten up with pessimism when I'm alone. At times I want to scream, "Hey, I did that all by myself" but would dismiss the feeling when the group gets praised for it. Now I don't know if what I have been doing all along, of encouraging the group and sulking by myself or voicing my concerns on other people, is a really good thing. I know it isn't.

Maybe I'm trying too hard to be a charismatic type of leader that I end up not being the ideal transformational one (wear your OrCom Hat - Barrientos, 2008). I didn't take the lead this time because I know I couldn't commit as much as the other people with passion for the job can. However, the "what if I took over?" "what if I commented on this?" "what if I committed more?" phrases crossed my mind.

Yes, I've been delinquent this semester. But I still have until Saturday to make up for it.

By the way, I hate you Barry. You say things I want to but cannot say. :)

Frozen Yogurt is Love!

2008-10-03T17:11:00.000+08:00

I have definitely found a new comfort food, White Hat frozen yogurt! It's really so yummy and the fruit toppings are just superb!

Here's a pic that the White Hat crew of MOA took and uploaded in their website. Imagine, instant endorser!

You should definitely try it. A cup costs 85 pesos though, if you're saving up, that's a lot. But I tell you, it's so worth it.

Photo from: http://www.thewhitehat.com.ph/gallery/a1/p9

Damn, where could I get a White Hat frozen yogurt at this time? I'm craving for one.

PRSP, Thesis, Ad Campaign, Burn's Final Paper, Barry's Special Project

2008-10-01T12:26:00.000+08:00

The PRSP grand prix ended last Sunday. Finally! One major event down. Congrats to the Sportan's for bagging the bronze, will post pictures as soon as my internet connection becomes faster. :D Libre!

I can now focus on three other things:
Ad Campaign (due on Oct 6, Monday at 8.30am)
Thesis Proposal (due on Oct 10, Friday at 12nn)
Burn's Final Paper (due on Oct 18, Sat at 9am)
Barry's Special Project (due on Oct 18, Sat at 9am)

Fun, isn't it?

I don't want to put these as a calendar entry because I'll have a visual representation of my toxicity.. which until now I am trying to deny. I think of all the things I have to do, I cringe at the fact that all these things make such a "heavy" load, then I drown the panic and tension with big doses of Heroes, Bleach, Fringe, House, ANTM cycle 11 and Project Runway season 5.

I am in BIG denial that I have lots of things to do. My thesis topic isn't that ready yet and I have to pass a proposal next week. *roll on the floor dying*

I need to focus. First things first. Ad Campaign. Hey groupmates! What happened to you? Where's our NGO? So because I haven't heard from them yet, might as well start on my thesis.. or Heroes? or House? or Fringe? or Bleach? or ANTM cycle 11? or Project Runway season 5?

I am dead. So this is what graduating feels like.

Things I Can't Blog About

2008-09-22T16:50:00.000+08:00

So many emotions and frustrations are coming at my face right now. Possibly because of the amount of work that's waiting to be done. Well anyway, anyway.. I can't be strong for us always.

Personal things I can't but want to blog about. But then again here I am ranting my angst away. But again to no avail because.. just because.

The hell! Who will do my write up for my yearbook?! Dammit!

Boohoohoo.. I'm out of my wits right now thinking what to do first. PRSP definitely, then thesis proposal? or advertising campaign? or Barry special project? or speech plan? damn!

Burn all the cell phones of the DAC faculty who don't reply. :((

Okay. Back to reality.

Reasons Why I'd Rather Work Alone or Else Work With Just Alex

2008-09-16T22:44:00.000+08:00

I hate groupworks especially if those groupworks call for artsy-techy stuff. I hate groupworks especially if your groupmates can not work on their own, meaning you have to think for them as well. I hate groupworks, period (except if it calls for major gastos then I would gladly have you in my group - HAH! USER!)

Here are some of the reasons why I'd rather work alone.

1. Loud internal monologues
I can critique myself, loud enough, angrily enough, yet not get hurt or have anyone else hurt in the process. Unlike when working with someone, I have to be cautious of the things you say otherwise, I end up having personal issues with that person. I hate confrontations and I'd rather just confront with myself. Working with Alex is like working with myself but having a man's perspective on my work. We think almost ergo less quarrels yet we still get to criticize eash other's work - minus the frustration of not getting understood or getting mediocre results.

2. Independence
Without anybody to work with, I can do my work at my own pace without having to depend on anybody. I have to take into consideration my groupmates, the "equal amount of work" (as if that exists!), the frustration of that somebody not reaching my expectations, damn, I end up working until the wee hours of the morning just so this piece of groupwork will not end up like crap. And believe me, I hate crappy artsy works.

3. Unwanted Groupmates
As much as I want to be unbiased with my groupmates, there are just some people I'd rather not work with. I hate to label people but there is this certain type of personality that I do not want to work with. Just when I need these people most (that's why I want to work alone in the first place to avoid "needing" them) they are busy with some divine work. I too have the same beliefs as you do but I guess its in the matter of priority. I do not want to flunk this subject but I guess it doesn't matter to you since "all things work together for good". I am so sorry for using that text against your type, but come on!

HOWEVER I love working with people given that they're not pasaway and will be of great help to the overall output. I love working with people who do not depend on me to do everything (even their part) for them.

Do not get me wrong, I'd love to work with you as long as you won't frustrate or disappoint me.

When God Sends Blessings, He Sends It in Hoards

2008-09-13T13:01:00.000+08:00

This is probably one of my most blessed moments in the entire history of my life. The week didn't start of that well, but it sure did end with a BANG!

To start off, I got into the MarkProf Top 25 Marketing Management Trainees for 2008, which was not that expected as I have explained in my previous entry.

Then today, the day of the dreaded Barry exam. I wasn't able to sleep that much last night since I had to read a ton of Barry readings for the exam. I don't even know if I remembered the important details, all I was concerned with was at least familiarizing myself with the concepts and what not.

Before I left for school I received a text message from Jan that our PRSP (Public Relations Society of the Philippines) entry was part of the Top 7. I really felt SO happy because I mentioned in my previous entry that if we did not get any call from PRSP by yesterday, I would not hope anymore. But then again, we got in. Not just that, I learned from Barry (our OC 142 teacher and a member of the committee) that our entry was 2nd with Diliman being the 1st. He told me that if we do well in the presentation we could really beat Diliman. So much joy, so much blessings.

Take note, the PRSP sent the contest guidelines to the universities last July 3. The deadline for the entries was on August 29. We received our copy August 27. But I guess God really had a better plan for us, the deadline was moved to September 5. So little time to prepare yet we are still in the top 3.

We are now going to present our proposal on the 28th, and we will be there to win. This is for all the sleepless nights, the tears, the quarrels, the money we spent. This is for Jaymie's grandpa and grandma who let us stay in their house for the initial planning stage, for Pesky's mommy, sister, househelp, househelp's baby for the second and semi final overnight. This is for Alex and Tong who despite them being not part of the team spent hours of no sleep just to help us with our collaterals. This is for my mom and dad who does not know what I'm getting myself into.

To everyone, WE WILL WIN THIS.

Congratulations to Pam's group as well, they are also in the Top 7. Two entries from UPM. This is definitely a first.

Top 25 Marketing Management Trainees

2008-09-12T06:22:00.000+08:00

"Good a.m. Congrats! You passed the final screening for MarkProf's Top 25 Marketing Management Trainees"

This is probably one of the best good morning messages I have ever received.

Yesterday I was thinking of two things, the PRSP Junior Anvil Competition and MarkProf. But since PRSP's information dissemination system is not that good, I have accepted the fact that if we don't get a call by today, we are not in (hopefully we are but I'm already prepared if we're not). I also thought that if I don't get into MarkProf, I'd just assume it was not for me and not appeal even if I wanted to get in.

But hey, there's no need to appeal anyway because I'm in. :)

This opportunity for me just reaffirms my self confidence. I may not be able to present my parents with a medal that at the very least says "Cum Laude" but I'm happy that at least somehow, I have this training for them to take pride on. At the same time it reaffirms me that I could do well in other fields and not pursue with medicine if I don't want to.

I never really intended to apply in the first place because what MarkProf did was send a letter to the school asking for the list of the Top 25 students in our batch. Since I wasn't in the list, I didn't think of applying. On the last few hours of application, I decided to fill out the form just because I was curious why I was being asked over and over and over again how to conver a point grading system to percentile.

When I passed my application, I wasn't even confident that I'd get in because of their minimun GWA of 85%. Yes, I don't have that grade. So I was surprised when I passed the paper screening that they made.

August 9 was the date for the second screening. It was really very tough because really, what do i know about marketing. I don't even know the Four P's of Marketing everyone was talking about! (Now I know it was just Price, Place, Product, Promotion). The whole screening procedure was composed of a group case study and an individual case study they call "The Big Idea" test. It was all about marketing and OrCom did not prepare me for that so I was again surprised when I got the message telling me I passed the second screening.

Aug 30: The Final Screening
Since I knew the odds for me of getting in was not high because still, I don't have the proper training in marketing, I gave myself a crash course in marketing. I studied templates of Marketing Plans that might help me in this final screening. We once again had our Big Idea test, a group case study with three judges observing us as we do our plan and an individual case study where we can showcase ourselves to this seemingly cold panel. After the whole thing, all I could do was pray for the best.

Adei asked me to gauge my performance during the last screening. I told him I know I did well, BUT EVERYBODY ELSE ALSO DID WELL. The last screening was the culmination of all the assertive bright students of the universities not only in Metro Manila but also from other regions. The playing field was really even, the only choice was to speak up or be gobbled by the assertiveness of others. If you speak up, that's good because everyone else will surely be speaking their minds. If not, do not expect that they will give you a chance to raise your point.

It was a competition for 25 slots. A competition of hundreds, trimmed down to 250, trimmed down to 75 and now, I am officially part of the Top 25.

Isang Malaking Katanungan.. HELP :)

2008-09-09T10:59:00.000+08:00

Okay, ganito..

Hanggang boobs na yung buhok ko.. Ngayon lang ako ulit nakapagpahaba ng buhok.. Grade 6 yung huli. Anyway, nasasawa na ko pero nanghihinayang sa buhok ko.

TANONG:

Magpapagupit ba ako? Kung oo, anong style. Kung hindi, sabihin kung bakit.

Sige, GAME! v^_^

PRSP, Barry, MarkProf, AdHere, Sir Chong

2008-09-03T21:13:00.000+08:00

Yep. Things that made me busy not only tonight but for the past week(s?). All of them fun, all of them challenging, tiring, etc, etc.

I don't know if I am still coherent more so if I still should post this. Maybe I should, I dunno. For the first time in all my years in college the PRSP event last Thursday was the first time I spent a whole night at a friend's house for extra-curricular-acdemic stuff. The Public Relations Society of the Philippines (PRSP) has this yearly PR contest to all interested college students. The contest guidelines, case study, letter, app forms, was sent to the UPM chancelor last July 3. Amazingly enough we received it only last Wednesday. What's more amazing was that it was due the day after that Wednesday which was Friday! Wow! Only one night to prepare for national contest! But being UP OrCom students, we split our batch into 3 groups. At least we'd have 3 chances to get to the finals. However, at 2:30 that Friday we received a call that the deadline was postponed. HAHA. We didn't get any sleep. Sheesh.

The Saturday after that Friday I went to my MarkProf Final screening. There was another Big Idea Test then an interview then a group case study then I went home to sleep. Wee!

We had another overnight Tuesday this week. Still for PRSP. I'm sleepy. Didn't get much rest yet and I'm still up for the advertising assignment...GROUP assignment.

Oh, and I heard a rumor why Ely Buendia had a heart attack during the reunion concert. :)

Lets sleep!

I Made It!

2008-08-20T12:52:00.000+08:00

Woohoo!

I made it through the second screening of the MarkProf search for the top 25 marketing management trainees. Well now, I am part of the top 100.. er.. 76 for that matter out of hundreds of applicants.

Final screening date on August 30. Sir Barry, pa-absent ulit.. *insert big sad pleading puppy dog eyes here*

And to those who are asking why I haven't posted anything lately, guys, may thesis din ako.. :)

Congrats to Nikki Valdez as well.

Happy happy joy joy.

When I Started to Doubt

2008-08-06T18:41:00.000+08:00

One word is enough for a wise man.

Yes your grades will qualify you for a cum laude honor, maybe even a magna. You may belong to the best of the batch. But you don't have a clue as to what is happening in the world today. You won't believe something even though it slaps you on the face unless it has statistical support. You laugh last at jokes which are even explained to you. You can't even follow simple instructions and expect to be dictated as to what to do.

You are flawless with your theoreticals. But are you ready to step out of the classroom and into the world of spontainity, harsh realities and time constraints that require you to think on your own.

I am not doubting your capabilities to memorize theories. What I'm not sure of is how you will apply those in the real world.

Wake up honey, it's show time.

Of Frank, Alumni Homecoming, and HotSpot

2008-06-20T19:23:00.000+08:00

"UPM. wala raw pasok sabi ni Robert. dahil sa alumni homecoming"

Wala akong pakialam kung anong dahilan nang pagkakansela ng klase bukas, bastas ang idinalangin ko wala talagang klase. Sobrang anxious ako kung totoo ba ang balita kaya nag PM ako kay Stella, nagtext kay sir Barry at humingi ng tulong kay God na sana nga walang klase bukas.

Sir Barry: "HI. DAC confirmed that the rumor is not true. So there are classes tom. See you all. Pls pass to the confusd! :) tnx."

Lintek. Parang gusto ko nang umiyak.

Dumating kami kaninang madaling araw (4am) dito sa Mindoro para sa opening ng HotSpot (oo yun na na ang pangalan ng internet shop ko). Baon ko ang 44php worth ng photox ng readings ko kay Barry. Kahit alam kong hindi ko mababasa to, dinala ko lang just in case magkaroon ako ng time magbasa. Syempre, dahil opening ng shop, yun ang inasikaso ko.

Hindi ko nabasa ang five chapters, reporting bukas. Okay lang. Luluwas na lang ako ng maaga.

"Anong oras ang byahe ng barko bukas ng madaling araw?" "Ay ma'am, may signal po tayo ng bagyo dito sa Mindoro, baka i-cancell po ang byahe ng barko."

Lintek ulit. Pano ang readings ko? Pano ang klase ko? Pano ko aatend kay Barry??

Mangiyak-ngiyak kong kinulit si Yela na iconfirm ulit kay Barry (kahit kinonfirm ko na) kung may klase ba talaga. Wala akong means para makaluwas. Cancelled ang byahe ng barko. Hindi pa ko nakakapagbasa. Worse case scenario, October 2009 graduate ako dahil sa 142. O HINDE!!

Stella (6/20/2008 10:19:18 PM): wala na
Stella (6/20/2008 10:19:21 PM): bnawi na ni barry
Roan (6/20/2008 10:19:26 PM): ha?
Stella (6/20/2008 10:19:28 PM): teka
Stella (6/20/2008 10:19:31 PM): gagawa ulit ako gm
Stella (6/20/2008 10:19:35 PM): weyt lng
Stella (6/20/2008 10:20:27 PM): ganto... binawi na ni barry. wala na raw class sabi ng dac. nd na rin sila magkaklase. so, baka... wala na rin yung DS natin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yahoooooooooo!

Kinakabahan pa rin akong nagtext kay Barry para "magtanong" kung wala nga bang klase kahit na deep inside gusto ko nang magmakaawang i-cancell nya ang klase dahil hindi ako handa.

"To my 142 class: DAC finally decided to cancel class tom. I received txt just now. Pls tell your classmates that we will instead meet next week. Haay, ang gulo ng UP, masisiraan ako ng ulo. -barry"

Halos magkasabay bumuhos ang malakas na ulan at ang aking mga luha ng kagalakan. Pero dahil masyado akong natense bago ang magandang balita, hindi ko na nagawa pang umiyak.

Maraming salamat Alumni Homecoming, Frank, DAC, Yela, at sa Poong Maykapal. Kaninang hapon pa ko nagdarasal na sana walang klase bukas kahit alam kong imposible yun. Ngayon, sa gitna ng bagyo, wala palang imposible.

Nakanaks! Matutulog na ko! :D

While Everyone Else is Starting Their Own Families

2008-06-04T15:33:00.000+08:00

I was shocked to hear that my gradeschool friend and rival for the salutatorian spot already has a two year old kid. Aside from that, a lot of my gradeschool friend from Pasay are already starting (started) their own families.

My blockmates (PolSci) graduated last April. Some are going to law school, others are pursuing different carreers, while others are either starting their own breed or bumming around. When everyone else is basking in the glory of their diplomas, kids, or the essence of "rest", here I am in Mindoro starting our (mommy's and my) very own internet shop.

We started the tedious work of renovating the place today. There isn't really much to fix except for the computer tables, counter, and networking of the place. I'm hoping to have this shop open by next week.

Can anyone please help me choose a name for the shop?

Anyway, I'll be posting pictures of the work progress very soon. But for now, Day 1 is over.

The Eve Of My Last Day at Focus

2008-05-15T20:01:00.000+08:00

It's really so weird that my first entry about my OJT experience is written on the eve of my last day. A few days ago, I was counting the hours til the end of my internship, but now, I'm not feeling that excited anymore.

This day was filled with so much work, that it breaks my heart to depart from the events I've planned but will never get to attend, the suppliers I've known, the people I've worked with, the whole experience. As much as I want to extend my OJT, I cannot. I have promised my folks back in Mindoro to help out in the three day medical mission. We have a Bizu Post Mother's Day event on the 17th (this I get to attend), a SieMatic product launching on the 20th, a blocked screening of Indiana Jones at Rockwell Cinema 1 on the 23rd, and the Serendra Family Day on the 25th. These events are so dear to me since I had to do the booking, planning, almost everything about them, then I don't get to be there because the freakin medical mission is on the 23rd-25th of May.

If they ask me to go back on June, I'd be more than happy to. My experience as the stand in brand manager was one of the most fulfilling experiences in my life. Thank you to all my supervisors who treated me as an employee and made me do stuff that taught me a lot. Thank you to my "sorority mates" - fellow OJTs who kept me company during breaks, lunch hours, and those days that I was technically not doing anything.

I'm going to miss a lot of things at Focus. I sure do not regret being an intern there.

Promises

2008-04-04T19:59:00.000+08:00

Promises are made to be broken. I have to agree. Promises are most of the time made not intentionally to be broken but in the end, it still results to that.

I'm a girl who cries and laughs over the most mundane things. That decription has sticked to me for almost four years now, and for almost four years now, I'm desperately trying to learn how to hide the common disappointments that constantly bother me. Sometimes, I just console myself with the thought that "maybe he promised just so you would feel better" but then I ask "I am better now?"

Anyway, I'll have a five day vacation while waiting (desperately) for McCann to call. I won't be bringing my laptop as I have a LOT to bring. I shouldn't have bought the inflatable swimming pool, I'll have a hard time carrying it tomorrow.

I don't want to cry anymore. So maybe I'll just sleep. No more promises please, especially if you can't stick to it. I respect your word, I trust it so much, well maybe that's where I went wrong. I trust TOO MUCH.

Good night.

Sleep Deprived or Depriving Myself of Sleep?

2008-03-31T01:47:00.000+08:00

It's 5:30 in the morning. I've been up all night watching reruns of Project Runway Season 1. I can't sleep because I slept all day yesterday. Am I killing myself? I really don't know.

I started watching clips on YouTube to, maybe, induce myself to sleep but it's been four hours since I started and I don't feel a tad bit sleepy! I'm so frustrated because I want to sleep because the longer I am awake, the hungrier I get and sleep is more possible than eating at this time. Maybe I should go buy a good book to help me sleep. I'm not used to not reading before hitting the sheets but I've read all the books I have at hand. So, yeah, maybe I should buy a new book.

I am so craving for Old Spaghetti House's Seafood Marinara or Sbarro's Baked Zitti and Spinach and Mushroom pizza. Just the thought of those food really whets my appetite. Damn! I shouldn't have mentioned it, I just have gone from a bad to worse craving for food. My tummy's growling too much. I have to sleep so as not to think of food that bad anymor

I have to get my biological clock re-regulated so that I would get the amount of rest that I need. How do you get a doctor to prescribe you sleeping pills? The sky's lightening up. I don't want Monday to come yet (except if its already April 7).

Almost Relaxing

2008-03-29T23:25:00.000+08:00

Shooting for AV Comm definitely took the heartaches cause by the Stat exam. Yes, the stat exam was horrible!

I have finished shooting and editing two out of five commercials now. I just hope my groupmates would be able to give me their footages for editing on tuesday, latest. Im so giddy on editing that Im excited to work on their footages (come on groupmates! I want to edit your work :D).

I'll be posting all of our commercials as soon as we have already passed a copy to sir Beaver. Im so excited about it, really. :D

By the way guys, Lanie lost her phone last night. She called me up and she was like crying while wandering Ayala. I just pray that she was able to get to somewhere safe before the night ended. She really sounded scared. Anyway, her sun number is 0922-5496451. Please do contact her through that number and identify yourself.

Good luck to all of us. I hope I get a positive response from McCann.. 0_o

Almost Relaxing

2008-03-29T23:18:00.000+08:00

Paano Ba Maglambing?

2008-03-25T22:17:00.000+08:00

Hindi nga ba talaga ako malambing? Ano nga ba yung lambing at paano mo to ipapakita sa isang tao?

Siguro kung bata ka, masasabi mong malambing ako. Naguguluhan talaga ako. Dati iniisip ko sila ang may problema kung hindi nila nararamdaman. Lagi kasing nagrereklamo sila Daddy na wala raw akong kalambing lambing sa katawan. Okay lang yun sa kin dati. Isip ko, hindi ko na problema kung hindi n'yo maramdaman basta ako, mahal ko kayo, ipinapakita ko sa paraang kaya ko.

Hindi raw ako nagtetext. E hello! Magtetext ka nga, magrereply ba naman siya? E di wag na lang magtext, sayang lang sa load. Hindi raw ako nagkekwento. Nakikinig ka ba pag nagkekwento ako e wala man lang karea-reaksyon ang mukha mo. Naparaming reklamo pero lahat iisa ang dahilan, hindi raw ako malambing.

Ngayon ikaw naman ang nagrereklamo sa parehas na dahilan na isinusumbat ng tatay ko. Ngayon naiisip ko, siguro ako nga ang mali, ako nga ang dapat magbago. Pero paano ba kasi yung paglalambing na gusto nyo?

Hindi ako kumportableng tratuhin kayong parang bata (paglambing para sa mga batang may edad 0-10 y/o ang kaya ko). Nahihirapan akong magbago dahil unang-una, hindi ko naman alam kung ano ang mali. Kelangan ko bang bigyan pa kayo ng maraming regalo? Kelangan ko bang sumulat pa ng love letter? Kelangan ko bang amu-amuin kayo? E HINDI AKO GANUN EH. Gawin ko man yun, isipin nyo na lang na hindi natural sa akin pag ginawa ko yun.

Hay. Sige.

Final Class Meetings Has Never Been This Happy-Sad

2008-03-15T12:35:00.000+08:00

"Nothing makes me more sad than last days now already looking bak at fun learning times wid kids i hav grown to be accustomd to i wil miss all of u guys tel others my saturdays have been blessed by all of u n yes including d noise :)" - Sir Ron

Yes, he texted that without any punctuation whatsoever. I had a hard time reading it but nonetheless, it's still sweet.

This Saturday specifically my PR class has been the most memorable last class meeting I ever had. Sir Ron is definitely my favorite teacher. After four years in UP, this is the first time I can truly say that I enjoyed every minute of the class. This is his first and last (?) semester in UP and I just wish there are more teachers like him. He was able to connect with the class and even tolerate our nonstop noise. He NEVER walked out on us even though we were like a bunch of noisy brats.

UP really needs more teachers like him. Really, really, really needs a lot more teachers like him.

We'll miss you too sir Ron.

Barely Breathing

2008-03-11T20:13:00.000+08:00

February didn't prove to be any easier than January. And now with March on its 2nd week, the tension is skyrocketing. Communications plan, two column script, final problem set, and a departmental exam are all due/happening on the 18th! That's seven days from now *looks at the time* no SIX days from today (or tonight). Aside from all the acad work we have to enslave ourselves in, we also have to find an organization that will employ us as interns for the summer.

I am really just so thankful that I can "abuse" my Dadei's internet connection as well as his writing and artistic skills. At least someone can help me.. :D

This is definitely the most nerve racking sem I ever had. Why in the world do we need to do all of those on the 18th? Thank goodness, Sir Villar has the heart to post pone the deadly journal manuscript to a much much later date. I'm loving sir Villar now.

To my batchmates who are graduating this April, congratulations! I truly am proud of you all and only wish I could graduate on time as you could.

The Search Is On!

2008-01-31T13:30:00.000+08:00

Instead of studying for my first long exam in AV Comm tomorrow, here I am stuck in front of my laptop looking for an employer willing to "adopt" me for the summer and immerse me in that company. I have already sent out applications to those that I can find at Jobstreet. I'll be doing my walk in application next week.

I am just so thrilled! I hope somebody contacts me soon..

January Pa Lang Ah!

2008-01-25T17:34:00.000+08:00

My acads certainly took the Happy out of "Happy New Year".

I was welcomed back to school from my Holliday vacation with:
* 2 long exams (Jan 4 & 8)
* a first major exam (Jan 11). R
* a "walk in the park" PR quiz (Jan 12)
* company profile and stationery set for my audiovisual comm class (Jan 22)
* report every Wednesday
* quiz every Monday and Thursday
* First Stat and PR exam (Jan 26)

Of course this is for January alone, February will be more crammed and March will be so much more! This is probably my bloodiest sem in UP so far.

I am trying to put all the information in my head. Why in the world do you, Mr. Javelosa have to reschedule our Stat exam to the same day as our PR exam?! We were already prepared to take the exam on the 31st!

Ah! Information overload! I'm not even sure if I will still remember all that I have studied for tomorrow.

I need a miracle such as one of my teachers tomorrow not being able to make it. I really, really need it so much.. :(

Happy Year of the Rat!

2008-01-01T17:39:00.000+08:00

New year's celebration has always been for us more festive than Christmas. Probably because of my Chinese roots that give more importance to the start of the year.

Like the previous years, we showered early and put on our available red shirts/clothes/dresses. We lined five and ten peso coins and connected each door with coins. In each room, we scattered more coins and bills. Unlike many people who would wear polka dots or stripes during new year's eve, we would wear red as a sign of luck and festivity. Unlike many who wear only symbols of mony (polka dots for coins and stripes for bills) we actually scatter money on the floor. On the stroke of tweleve, all the kids in my family would be jumping and rattling their coin boxes to invite fortune. Of course there would always be fireworks, not those that only make loud noises but most especially those that produce great light displays. It is believed that the loud noises and bright lights would drive away bad luck and evil spirits.

However, unlike previous years this year's celebration was more quiet. Before, the fireworks display and loud noises would last until one in the morning. This year, the highlight of the display lasted only ten to fifteen minutes. To top that off, nobody got a major accident from the firecrackers. Too bad, I don't have any pictures to share.

Anyway, the year of the Rat is said to be a good year to start things because it is the first sign in the cycle. A good year to all of us and may all of those good things that we start be a lasting one!

50 Things About Me

2007-12-29T19:35:00.000+08:00

Got this survey from a friend. My first survey post on Multiply

1* Do you like cheese?
``definitely! :D

2* Have you ever smoked heroin?
``nope

3* Do you own a gun?
``no, my dad does though

4* Your favorite song?
``as of the moment, Planetarium by Ai Otsuka (i just really really hope I understood what the lyrics meant)

5* Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
``no. I get excited. It's really seldom that I get a doctor's appointment.

6* What do you think of hotdogs?
``yummy! @_@

7* Favorite Christmas song?
`` "sa may bahay ang aming bati..."

8* What do you prefer to drink in the morning.
`` cold water

9* Can you do push ups?
`` not much

10* Favorite super-hero?
`` Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! hahaha

11* What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
`` my ring (come to think of it, where is my ring?)

12* Favorite hobby?
``sleeping is definitely my utmost favorite hobby, eating would come next

13* Secret weapon to get the opposite sex?
``They say it's my smile, I say I'm just flirty and guys like that. Hahahaha!

14* Do you have A.D.D.?
`` what's an A.D.D.?

15* What one trait do you hate about yourself?
``super procrastinator! Wiii! Parang super hero!

16* Middle Name?
`` Timonera

17* Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment
`` shucks, pasukan na naman in less than a week
`` papasok ba ko?
`` anong oras na naman kaya ako matutulog?

18* Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
`` pancit, softdrinks, load

19* Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
`` water
``iced tea
`` sprite

20* Current worry right now?
`` school stuff

21* Current hate?
`` myself

22* Favorite place?
`` in my room (wherever that is) where I can sleep til noon without thinking that anyone is criticizing me about that.

23* How will you bring in the New Year?
`` with food!! and fireworks, I just watch the light show of course

24* Where would you like to go?
`` Vigan, Bohol, Bora

25* Name three people who will complete this and return?
`` i really dunno.

26* Do you own flip flops?
`` Yep, got a pair of havs recently @_@ my first pair..

27* What shirt are you wearing?
`` Terra Nova purple polka shirt

28* Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
`` haven't slept on one so I really don't know how it feels

29* Can you whistle?
`` a bit, a tiny bit

30* Favorite color/s?
`` blue, and recently orange (thanks to faye)

31* Would you like to be a pirate?
`` I think I already am. :D

32* What songs do you sing in the shower room?
`` I dont sing in the shower

33* Favorite girl's name?
`` romina (so vain!)

34* Favorite boy's name?
`` Kaine

35* What's in your pocket right now?
`` money

36* Last thing that made you laugh?
`` my friends who were trying to imitate another friend

37* Best bed sheets as a child?
`` my mom's floral sheets. We threw it away a couple of years ago because my cousin used it and bled on it before she died.

38* Worst injury you've ever had?
`` big wounds on my knees and elbows. I had a bike accident because a stupid dog chased me!

39* Do you love where you live?
`` yes, it's cold here even when it's hot everywhere else. And we don't even have an airconditioning unit! :D

40* How many computers do you have in your house?
``PC? 1

41* Who is your loudest friend?
``a lot of my friends are loud, can't think who's the loudest

42* How many dogs do you have?
`` two

43* Does someone have a crush on you?
`` yep

45* What is your favorite book?
`` mystery/adventure books. No romance novels for me!

46* What is your favorite candy?
`` gummy bears

47* Favorite Sports Teams?
`` UP Maroons! Yung cheerleading squad hindi yung basketball team. hahaha

48* What song do you want played at your funeral?
`` i haven't thought about it yet. But maybe Walk Hand in Hand With Me will be great

49* What were you doing 12 AM last night?
`` talking to someone

50* What is the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
`` darating ba sya?

Will Someone Please Teach Me Not To Cry?

2007-12-26T19:36:00.000+08:00

I am so sick of crying over disappointments. I don't want to cry anymore. I said I wasn't going to shed a tear because somehow I anticipated this would happen. But then again, I did. I tried not to cry but all I managed was to not cry out loud.

Maybe I was just too excited because it actually is the first time my dad agreed to something like this. Maybe I was too excited to show off this Saturday. I really wish I hadn't looked forward this much.

I wish I had Hana Yori Dango season 2 to blame for my puffy eyes tomorrow. Well, maybe I could just use that alibi. Damn, now I have to find out what season 2 is all about.

Can't We Be Just Friends?

2007-12-13T06:03:00.000+08:00

Why do the guys I become close with fall for me? I don't want you to feel something romantic for me, all I want is genuine friendship.

On the other hand, those who don't fall for me but still remain close friends of mine are either: 1) gender confused individuals, 2) straight girls (I haven't had any lesbi friends) or 3) straight gays.

Oh please do not befriend me if you know that somehow you might get attracted to me because it would make it hard for you. Earth to anyone, I already have a boyfriend for three years (thirty-nine months to be exact) now!

I'm so frustrated. Let's just be friends or let's just not talk until you are way over that mushy feeling of yours.

One and a Half Inch of String Bean

2007-12-07T17:18:00.000+08:00

Last night, I was so hungry that I swallowed one and a half inch of unchewed string bean ! The worst part was it went down my throat horizontally! Ouch! I kept still for two minutes, feeling wether the string bean would go down my esophagus. Fortunately for me it did. It, however, left my whole throat feeling sore.

I'm still so busy with school work that even when I'm not busy, I still think I am. Loads and loads of school work make me wish for Chrismas break to come sooner (although it's just two weeks away).

For anyone who wants to know what I want for Christmas, here's my list:

1. Pentax k100d Super
I've forever been attacked by my camwhoring pangs so I'd really love to have a semi pro digi cam that would satisfy my cravings for quality pictures. I can let Alex take the shots and bask in the glory of camera flashes. *eyes gleeming with excitement*
Cost: $500

2. "This Will Change Your Life" Planner
Available only at Powerbooks. This planner that will (hopefully) change my life for the better costs 800.00 Php. Cheap enough for something that promises to organize my life.

3. Obi Belt
Belts are in, and obi belts are in style! It is said that belts would accentuate one's figure and create an illusion of having a shapely body (which I'm craving to have). Since I don't have "time" (read: money) for the gym, I thought maybe an obi belt would help. I don't know how much do those belts exactly cost but if it is TOO expensive wide belts from Mango will do. :D

4. Hair Extensions
Once again I'm bored with my reddish-brownish hair (see Global Fun Photos for reference). So I'm dying to have them permed or extended. Since my dad doesn't want girls with permed hair, I'd really want my hair waist length without having to wait six months or so. A treat to the salon from you to have my hair extended would REALLY make me smile this wide: ^_____________________________________________________________^ and wider.

5. New School Bag
Actually, I can buy one for myself but I'd rather have that someone buy it for me. I don't like backpacks so a body bag or shoulder bag would do. Please do not buy me bags below 500php as they don't last long. Believe me, I've bought a lot of cheap bags that gets ruined in less than a semester. Benetton bags are really gorgeous so if you could afford me one, I'd love it. I dont like small bags, just so you know.

THIS JUST IN!

A friend of mine whom I haven't hear from nor seen in almost a year sent me a text message five minutes ago asking me if he was going to be a "ninong" for my baby. I almost fell out of my seat, laughing my ass off! I replied "bakit? May ibibigay ka bang baby sa kin?" Rumor has it that I AM pregnant. With what? Worms? Ew.. Hahahaha..

Guys, if you're going to spread a rumor about me make sure that I didn't just finish my period three days ago. Okay? Make it more believable next time.

Ciao!

Hell Week Na??!

2007-11-21T11:15:00.000+08:00

A week after the sem started, I am experiencing hell week already. We already had a major report earlier, a quiz yesterday, another quiz tomorrow, reading assignments for my PR, technical writing, and statistics class! To top that off, I am once again on the brink of poverty because of the numerous photocopy fees and school supplies I have to buy. Whoa! This is just overwhelming!

I have a six day school week. One class from Monday to Friday and a nine to four class on Saturdays! Talk about week end. I am just taking a break from all the academic toxicity. Well, I guess I better do what I have to do now.

Open Minded?

2007-11-07T18:44:00.000+08:00

Its funny how people claim to be open minded and totally be closed regarding certain things. Its so frustrating trying to make people you think would understand accept a situation that already was. Was there any harm done? Maybe there was, maybe there was not. I really don't know now.

You can't explain your side because in the end it would really be pointless. So hard. So heart breaking to think that those who you thought you can confide to would judge you, because of something you did out of tradition. It doesn't matter how hard you cry because deep inside you'd know that that would be the last time you'd do it because what you did is plain unacceptable. Morally wrong? I don't know.

It doesn't matter how many times you try to change the topic because it would still go back to that. You want to delve away from further details once you realize that you are now in the hot seat. You'd want to avoid the topic to escape the pangs of argument altogether but still the discussion continues on until you are out of words, hands up, giving in, admitting you are wrong.

You are once again the culprit, the mastermind of an act you thought was okay. While in the back of your mind you keep on thinking why the hell did you think it would be okay? You should have played safe, never assumed that it would be understood, you should have stood on the side lines as one of the audience not as the star.

Lesson learned.

Blogsary

2007-11-01T23:23:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! I've been blogging for a year now, though I haven't had any posts for the last month or so, and I think its appropriate to commemorate the day I started blogging.

Looking back, I asked why people blog. Well I think writing is really a great outlet to express your frustrations, anger, anxiety, happiness, excitement and boredom. That is if you CAN express your thoughts through writing.

When I say writing, I mean pen and paper kind of thing. Blogging is different because with it comes the knowledge that anyone in the World Wide Web can have access to your entries no matter how personal they may be (unless you save them as drafts). For me blogging served the same purpose as writing with a twist. Somehow, I was hoping that those people I loathe will come across my entries and feel my wrath. Hahahaha! However, knowing that the people I hate are familiar only with Yahoo! and Friendster, the chances of them reading my entries are nil. Unless I advertise my site on Friendster and Yahoo! Mail.

I don't know why but I have been hot headed these past few days. My poor brother has been the recipient of my frequent outbursts and yelling. Tsk tsk. What's happening to me. This is not PMS as I have had my period last week (unless PMS means POST menstrual syndrome, then yes I have it).

I learned recently that I got a 1.5 on my technical writing class. A 1.5 when it was me helping Yela out through late nights! I submitted a lot of rush articles just so the newsletter would push through. I put captions on the pictures, Yela and I did most of the work, damn it! And now I find out that those who submitted but two articles get a higher grade than me?! Sheesh! No, I am not expecting a 1 but a 1.25 would give justice to the efforts I put. The only comfort I have regarding that subject is the knowledge that she failed the evaluation BIG TIME. I'd be cruel if I say that she should be out of UP but she should. I learned a lot more from the internet than I did during her classes.

I have a certain sense of animosity toward alcohol drinkers especially those I know. My dad's an alcoholic and it hasn't done him any good. I fear that those I know would end up just like him. I mean, can't you talk about trivial stuff without the involvement of alcohol? And if the reason is to add "the feel" to the moment, I think that is a very very lame excuse. Its so ironic how alcohol could have medicinal benefits yet in turn could kill you.

President GMA gave Joseph Estrada presidential pardon. She's so sucking up to the masses. The whole point of EDSA II revolution was flushed down the toilet along with her credibility. I can't believe the Philippines has been under her claws for almost ten years! She should have not been allowed to run for president last 2004. Oh well.

Halloween to all of you. May the spirits be with you.

You Look Steaming Hot!

2007-09-28T11:24:00.000+08:00

"You look steaming hot!" is definitely one pick up line that would make a girl turn to whoever said it especially if that girl is casually walking, trying to get home before rain falls.

I went to SM Manila today to get my smart money card replaced. By eleven I was there hoping to get the card earlier so that I could go home earlier. But luck was against me. I was forced to wait until two in the afternoon since their card printing machine will be available at around that time. I don't know why, maybe their card printing machine did some shopping since it was SM's 3 day sale.

I spent my time in an internet cafe watching silly videos from spiked humor. Spiked really helps in killing time. The time it takes to buffer is longer than the time it takes to play the whole clip and before you know it, hours have already passed.

So there, I was able to get my card in less than thirty minutes. As I was finding my way out of the mall, I happened to have a fifty year old or so man behind me on the escalator. The next thing I know, he was asking for my name and whether HE could shop for me. Am I a DOM magnet?! That really freaked me out. Thank God the mall was packed with people, I easily lost him. I stood near a security guard for five minutes or so then walked out of the mall. I am now so paranoid.

As I was walking toward the jeepney "terminal" someone behind me said "you look hot." I didn't see who it was then. After a few seconds, the person exclaimed "you look STEAMING hot! You look gorgeous." And being a banidosa I turned around to see who it was and to make sure that that comment was addressed to me. Sure enough it was.

Yeah, it was flattering. How many times in your life do you get to be commented like that by a total stranger? But paranoid as I am, I didn't care to lengthen the interaction any further. Who knows, that guy might be planning something not good.

I held on to my stun gun tightly, turned around and walked faster to catch the last seat in an almost full jeepney.

After So Long

2007-09-26T20:03:00.000+08:00

I haven't posted anything for a LONG while. Laziness got the best of me and before I know it, it's almost a new month! My blog is fast approaching it's first anniversary and yet I haven't updated it a bit... Huhu.. So sorry my blog.

Just got back from Palawan yesterday. We went there to commemorate Alex's dad's first death anniversary. We were supposedly going to the underground river but it was raining nonstop so we had to cancel all our trips and stay at their house instead. The trip was tiring but fun. Palawan is as beautiful as the brochures say. I saw a tuko by the way, it's not that huge.

My mind's wandering. I can't get to write a coherent write up. Come to think of it I should be doing the discussion outline due tomorrow. I should start working on my Psycholinguistics case study. I should be starting my essay for Or Com 152. There's a lot of things I SHOULD do but I lack the drive to do them. Maybe later. Haha. Procrastination is once again peeking.

HELL MONTH HERE I COME.

UP has no time to make student's nose bleed. That's too light. UP makes room for bloodshed though and I'm starting to bleed, nosebleed at this point.

I don't know what to do.

My back aches. I need to have a chair with a back rest.

I have to update my Multiply account as well. Gosh! I have to update lots of things. That sucks.

At Last!

2007-09-04T10:53:00.000+08:00

Finally found a theme that suits my taste! Woohoo! Will be uploading pictures and inviting friends when all that has to be done is done.. Now I have to go study Math.

Bakasyon Na Ba?

2007-08-09T11:22:00.000+08:00

Halos isang linggo na kong walang pasok. Kasi ba naman wala talaga kong pasok pag Tuesdays at Fridays tapos di pa ko pumasok nung Lunes, tapos binabagyo kami dito sa Maynila kaya ayun, kanselado ang mga klase. Hindi ko alam kung magsasaya ba ako sa dahil sa totoo lang, wala akong magawa. Gusto ko sanang manood ng Ratatouille pero wala naman akong makasama. Ang lungkot kaya nun! Manonood ka ng isang masayang pelikula tapos mag-isa kang tatawa. Siguro matutulog na lang ulit ako buong maghapon. Hindi rin pala masayang walang pasok lalo na kung wala kang mayayang lumabas.

Busy lahat ng tao o kaya naman walang pera. Hindi ko naman maivolunteer na ililibre ko sila kasi masama sa loob kong manlibre ngayon (with exception to a few people). Kahit anong pilit kong isama sila sa Ratatouille, di rin sila sasama, madidisappoint lang ko. Hindi ko na lang sila yayayain.

Dahil bumabagyo na, gusto kong bumili ng isang magandang trench coat. Yung magandang ipamporma pero hindi kasing haba ng mga coat nila sa Matrix. Masyadong mainit sa Pilipinas para sa ganung kasuotan. Meron akong konting ipon para dito ang problema na lang, wala akong makitang bibilhin.

Medyo sawa na rin ako sa mga games ng laptop ko. Buong araw ko ba namang nilaro lahat ng yun kahapon. Kaya ngayon, bagot na bagot na ko. Siguro dapat sa Lunes, excited na ulit akong pumasok.

Sana may Harry Potter book 7 o kahit anong libro ako para kahit di ako lumabas okay lang. Wala na ring gana ang mga palabas sa TV. Hindi nila napupukaw ang interes ko. Boring, dull, whatever. Wala rin namang makatext ng maayos dahil ang mga taong nanaisin mong magreply hindi mo alam kung tulog pa o ayaw lang talaga magtext.

Para bang lahat ng tao ngayon tamad na tamad. Oo, tama, hindi na lang ako magyayaya para hindi rin ako ma disappoint.

Tulog. Tulog na naman? Kagigising ko lang a. Sabagay, wala namang ibang magawa kaya sige, matutulog na lang ulit ako.

Bitch

2007-07-26T20:20:00.000+08:00

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me
I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Wrath

2007-07-26T20:07:00.000+08:00

What I feel for you right now is pure wrath. I don't want to talk to you nor have you on my mind. You have the nerve to judge someone as unmanly when you yourself cannot stand up for what you did! You even thought I'd want to ruin you. With all due respect, why the hell would I want to ruin you? But now that you've given me the idea, I might consider it now.

When I say I do not want to talk to you, do not insist on contacting me or talking to me for I DO NOT want to hear anything from you. You ruined my trust to the core. I told you I didn't want to be emotionally attached to someone for the fear of too much emotional vulnerability yet you led me on. And there I was, so stupid to see that you, like any other typical man (or should I say boy) was using a "respectable" facade to cover up for the mess you do.

All I wanted was for you to accept that YES that happened but that is over now. You are so scared of what might happen to you. You are so concerned of saving you oh so divine face that you cannot accept that you did make a mistake. That's the difference between us. I accepted the risks and admitted that what happened was a mistake. To top that off I now realize that YOU were a huge mistake.

I am very easy to get along with and as equally easy to piss off. When I say I hate you out of the context that I am joking, I really do hate you.

Wrath - one of the seven deadly sins. I'm sinning right now, I'll ask for forgiveness later.

Disconnecting

2007-07-25T17:15:00.000+08:00

I am on the process of disconnecting with the rest of the world that "ruined" me during the summer. I'm changing my number to escape the horrors I created. Never again will I involve myself with any controversies like this. Lesson learned the hard way.

Damn to all those self righteous people who couldn't stand up for what they did more so couldn't accept that he to makes mistakes like any other human being. Damn to those who want to ruin me. I'll get back on you... soon.

Breaking Down

2007-07-19T15:55:00.000+08:00

I haven't had a peaceful sleep last night. I was so bothered about what I learned yesterday and the other issues surrounding it (i.e. Alex's messages to Robert and his girlfriend). I find myself uneasy and irritable during the day. My attention span is almost null. I barely managed to pass my seat work. I couldn't solve the Math problems that were given. My head hurts, my eyes are sore with lack of sleep. I put on "tons" of concealer under my eyes just to cover the bulging bags yet that even proved ineffective. No matter how "blooming" I seemed you'd still see how jittery and anxious I was.

I thought things were going to be okay. I was okay. I wasn't even thinking about what happened then all of a sudden this will happen? Spare me from more heartaches, I beg you. I can barely take any more.

I really wish the people I talk to would keep me sane but some even make things worse. I can't handle any more quarrels right now, please bear with me. Do not use a high tone of voice whenever you being irritated with me. You don't know how much close I am to snapping. Nobody understands what I am going through right now. I hope you would. Don't force me to think rationally because at this moment, I can't. I am simply overwhelmed with the recent revelations.

God! People take me for granted.

Truth

2007-07-18T15:46:00.000+08:00

I didn't plan of going public about what happened this summer concerning me and a certain pastor who is, let's hide by the name Robert. But since he went all out about his version, I would want to air my side.

I highly disagree with your statement that I was the first who gave you attention, more so liked you. If you would remember clearly as I do for I do not forget first instances like that, you were the first who approached me, challenged me to several games of Word Factory. You were the one who wanted to be close to me because of your "goal" that your friend (who happens to be my ex-boyfriend) and I be reunited. I am naturally friendly and never expected that you would use that friendliness against me.

After the one week sport's festival, I didn't expect to hear from you, ever again since the event was over and we really had nothing more to talk about. You were the one who kept sending me text messages. I replied to those messages without malice, without any assumption, with nothing but friendliness. I mentioned in one of our conversations that I was a sucker for chocolate cakes. I also asked you where I could buy a hammock since I've been looking for it for a long time. Guess what? When you returned from Manila, you gave me a half roll of Goldilocks chocolate cake and a blue hammock. I offered to pay for the latter but you refused saying that it was your birthday gift to me.

You told me you were falling for me. I did not encourage you because I already had a boyfriend. It came to the point that you were even willing to give your present relationship up just so you could woo me. Yes, it also came to the point that I started liking you because of your edge in music and you know that well.

We became closer during the TV Production Camp (that I fully regret). After the said camp you started distancing yourself from me which I found weird at the moment that's why I wrote you a letter. In that letter I explained my side. I reiterated that I wanted nothing but platonic relationship between us, that I know how hurt your girlfriend is feeling. There was nothing in that letter to make you assume that I am running after you. There was NOTHING in that letter that would imply that I was in love with you or anything of the sort. That letter was a letter of hurt, of angst and of goodbyes to the romantic relationship I knew you wanted.

What hurts me dear pastor, is your telling Pastor Jubi that I was the one who liked you first and that I needed advising. With all due respect, ikaw ang patay na patay sa akin. I clearly remember you saying "darating ang araw mapapaibig din kita." Well, guess what? That day will never ever come.

That was a summer thing and summer is over so why are you still wallowing in it's memories? You are so insecure with what other people will say about you that you turn stories upside down just to make your oh so mighty, oh so clean pastor status intact and in return ruin my reputation. Just think of it, what would people think of me now? That I am a boyfriend thief? Hell no! I am happy with Alex. We have our dark days but we're fine.

Of your 25 years of existence you have the emotional maturity of a teen ager who experienced this kind of scenario for the first time. Yes maybe it was your first time, pero wag lang sarili mo ang isipin mo. What if I am not strong in faith and would stumble because of your acts of self righteousness?

Is this why you said you were sorry a couple of weeks ago? Is it because you have started to ruin me slowly? It's a good thing I'm here in Manila, I have a lot of diversion and the fact that I am anonymous helps a lot.

I am mad and right now I won't ask for forgiveness for whatever I just wrote.

From Blue to Reddish, Pinkish Something Else

2007-07-17T22:45:00.000+08:00

I haven't had an entry for the past two weeks. I was spending most of my internet time finding suitable pose for my creative shot thus resulting to me having no time to create an entry, except for now because I already had my pictures taken. Yes, I had my grad pic taken today and for my creative shot, I chose to be one of the seven deadly sins - Pride in the form of Vanity. Cool huh? :D

Somebody told me that blue was beginning to be a boring color on me. I mean, almost all my clothes are in the shade of blue and yes I have to agree that it is beginning to look dull on me. So I'm on the process of a wardrobe makeover: buying more reddish, pinkish, orange-ish clothes, collecting skirts and skinny jeans and slowly not wearing loose pants. With this ritual I find myself letting go of the always cheerful, kikay, somewhat shallow me that people always perceive to the more serious, deep, melancholy me. Let's see what this would result in.

I can't wait for August 4 to come. I'd get to see how I registered on the camera. I really hope it's great.

I have a report on Psycholinguistics tomorrow and guess what? I haven't prepared yet! Wow! This is so me.. "Procrastination come forth!"

Eating is one of my favorite past times yet I don't seem to have any time for that these days. But no matter how many times I not eat, I don't seem to be losing any weight. All I get is an empty rumbling stomach.

I... I... I can't think of anything else to say..

I'm Better

2007-07-06T21:00:00.000+08:00

The past months (May-June) can be labelled as one of the most trying times of my life. "Confused" was a word I used to describe my then current state of being. I couldn't understand myself, I was depressed more often than not, I dragged people down with me to wallow in the loneliness I alone feel.

But now I can strongly say "I'm okay". I am back (hopefully) to the focused being I was before all of these madness started. I just had to take a whiff of Manila's polluted air and I became alright.

To all the people I've hurt during my two months of a so called "self discovery" (a term I find completely untrue for I have not yet fully "found" what I was looking for) I beg your forgiveness. I was insane, well part of me was.

Anyway.. enough drama.

I'm going to have my grad pic photo shoot a few weeks from now. I'm jittery with excitement! I want to graduate badly but I still have to stay a year more since I shifted too late. Well at least I'm going to graduate with my course of choice.

NOTE: Never get into a course your parents tell you to get unless you want it.

I'm here in Mindoro to supposedly attend the hospital's weekend excursion. But I have my period and its raining hard so I have all the excuses to stay home and type this blog entry instead. :D

I just heard that my ex boyfriend was getting married next year. Good for him. It's about time too. I'll be walking down the aisle in a few year's time. Just have to get financially (emotionally, mentally) ready for that big day.

Why does marriage sound so final to me that it scares me?

It is really cold. It hasn't stopped raining since I got here. It makes me want to dive under thick sheets of blanket and sleep the night and day away.. :D

Blooming?

2007-06-23T18:34:00.000+08:00

For the past days that I've been in school, one day hasn't passed that nobody commented that I was "blooming". It really surprises me and makes me think back to the past sem(s) that I was in UP. Is this the first time that I (again) took time to "beautify" myself before going to class or going to somewhere outside the dorm. It flatters me of course that people are noticing how much my looks have improved, which makes me wonder why notice only now?

So for anyone who'd and who have been asking what my "beauty secret" was, I guess you just have to make some effort to fix yourself up before leaving the house and have a tinge of revenge for those who have broken you (eto bang mukhang to yung sinaktan nyo? I'm better) and "fear" that your special someone might turn his eyes away from you because you don't know how to make yourself look good anymore. After all, physical attraction is the first attraction, right? I find the drive to always make myself look presentable to anyone I'd meet and don't expect to meet.

I find myself waking an hour and a half or an hour before classes just so I would have some time for my kikay rituals and all. Normally if I have an 8:30 class I'd wake up at around 7:45-8:00, take a shower, put on the first clothes I could grab from my dresser, dab a bit of powder on my face, tie my hair into a pony tail and run for it hoping I'd arrive on time for class. I don't know why I find it easier to wake up early now.

I hope I don't run out of clothes to wear though, I still have to save money for clothes.

School Blues

2007-06-18T23:46:00.000+08:00

It's been eight days since I last posted something. Man! It's hot here in Manila. I've developed some kind of heat rash and my voice is becoming scratchy from dehydration. It doesn't matter how many liters of water I gulp down, the heat still overpowers me... Tsk tsk.

I've been going to school for five days now and I still am unofficially enrolled. This year's late registration is really late! I'll be paying my fees on the 20th when all subjects have been settled. For now, I have no classes on Tuesdays and Fridays making my week a 3 day school week! Yey! Cheers to that.

Crap. I've got at most seven minutes to wrap this thing up. It's almost twelve and the dorm's PC should be off by that time.

I'm still on the process of getting the summer stuff off my system. A little more, I'm almost okay. :D

Nothing much to say since only two classes have started their sessions.

Later.

Summer Thing

2007-06-10T18:10:00.000+08:00

Summer's definitely almost over despite the ever so persistent burning heat the sun is giving out. An elder at our church told me that this heat is three times hotter that before. I don't know when that "before" was but this definitely is way hotter than last summer.

My summer was definitely not a bore. Let's just say I had a few things to keep me perked up during the two months of bumming around. There was this annual sport's fest the Adventist Youth Federation of Oriental Mindoro organizes every March or April, then there was this TV Production Workshop last May. My aunt got married yesterday and the things to prepare for kept me busy for weeks.

I met a lot of people. Got close with a lot and too close with some to the point that my being over friendly was mistaken for something else. It was fun, though - fun to think that I still appear attractive to a lot of people (guys and girl(s) alike) even though a friend of mine from Manila cannot fully accept the fact that I am attractive. Grr... Some friend. Hahaha. Kidding.

This is definitely gonna be an emotional entry for me.

I am leaving tomorrow for Manila. Classes start on the 13th. I am now a senior and the gravity of the fact that I am getting old is rapidly sinking in. I got in touch with both my grade school and high school friends this past weeks and it surprises me to know that my closest guy friend in high school shares the same sentiments I have with regards to graduating. His mom died a couple of years ago so he is looking forward to finishing his studies to help his two other siblings. Sabi nga nya dati ang iniisip pa lang namin ay kung anong kurso ang kukunin namin sa kolehiyo, ngayon ang iniisip na namin ay kung paano kikita ng pera para maibsan ang gastos ng aming mga magulang. I personally want to earn money ASAP because I do not want to ask money from my mom anymore. I always hear her complain about how hard it is to earn money and asking for two thousand a week (minimum) is just too much for me.

I don't know what awaits me this year. I'll definitely be busier (thank God). I want to be busy so that my mind will be turned away from all the happenings of this summer that has affected me. I don't want to feel neglected and keeping myself occupied with academic and extra curricular stuff will definitely make me forget about the people who seem to have left me hanging.

Leaving has always been hard for me. I am both thrilled and sad that I once again have to leave.

I am looking forward to this semester, to this year and to next summer. I'll change. We all do. I don't know who I'll be next year. I don't know why I am so unsure with myself these days.

I won't be surprised if somebody calls me up to ask about this entry.

God bless this school year.

The Call

2007-06-07T21:43:00.000+08:00

When I say I need to talk to you it does not necessarily mean I have something to tell you. I just want to hear your voice on the other line, to somehow comfort me from whatever negative emotions I am having right now. I'm sorry if I'm not talking, I don't know what to say. I just want to feel assured that you're still there, loving me, needing me too.

I need you to call not because I have one heck of a problem to get through (that's only a small part of why I needed to talk to you) but because somehow I feel unsafe of where I stand, unsecure, and I need you there to say even the most cliched "don't worry, everything will be alright" or even the cheesiest "I love you" will suffice.

I needed to feel we were still connected. If only I had the means to call you every second of every day, I would.

Happiness

2007-06-04T01:29:00.000+08:00

It's been months (maybe years) since we last talked as care freely as this. It's been too long since we had a light conversation. "Normally" things would just heat up, topped with tempers flaring and not so nice words. What we had today was great.

I was able to say the things I wanted to say without even filtering them just so it would sound neutral enough. I laughed. For the first time in so long we had a fun phone conversation. He was able to pull prank(s) at me without me even making a really big deal out of it. For the first time since I don't know when, I actually was comfortable talking to him again. God, I do hope things are turning around for good.

I didn't want to end the call, I don't know when I last felt that. "Normally" I'd want to talk to him as less as possible because things would just turn nasty and hurtful. Now, we had an hour plus conversation and it didn't seem that long. Nakakabitin pa nga.

If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up (so cliche but true). This school year is (hopefully) going to be better.

Sleepless

2007-06-02T01:19:00.000+08:00

Went to bed at around 11.30. Guess what? I had to get up to make myself sleepy enough to sleep.

I can't sleep. Not because I have trouble sleeping but because of the things I've been thinking about. Damn, they're too many to simply be ignored. I blame all those things and people that keep entering my mind. Yeah, you give me one heck of a sleepless night when I should be dozing off because I have to get up early tomorrow.

Come Monday and I'll be enrolling as a senior at the University of the Philippines-Manila. The gravity of me being a senior this year is slowly sinking in. I'm getting older and what the heck am I still doing bumming around? I should be more productive with the time I have. I'm both excited and anxious about the coming school year. I hope I do better.

I was able to read the Ateneo School of Medicine and Public Health program and believe me, it made me jittery with excitement. I once again have a tiny spark of really wanting to go to med school because I want to and not because they want me to. Ateneo's program really is interesting because at the end of the five year program, you get to become a doctor of medicine with an MA in management. Cool and double cool. I am so looking forward to the application process that it makes me not sleep. Grr.

Alex moved back to his ate's house. I never even got the chance to say goodbye to "our" home. I know he's better off at his sisters care but it's just sad to think about all the good and bad times we had in that house knowing that things will not be the same.

Ah.. The people that have been entering my mind these days should not be thought of in the first place but here I am not getting any rest because of them. I really wish my defenses were higher. I show the world how unaffected I am by the people who keep on insisting that they become part of my world but then again, here I am thinking of how to get rid of them. I don't want them in my life. Maybe I was too overfriendly (redundant? it's that exaggerated) with them that they got too comfortable butting themselves into my life. I am deeply affected by your existence, just so you know and I don't want that. No matter, come school days I will be too occupied to even think and/or wait for a hint that you do remember me. Ah. The pain of being histrionic. It bothers me if those who claim to care don't even send a single message.

I hate you all tonight. I should be sleeping yet here I am ranting the night away with my silly wants. Lets end whatever hopes you have of even being a big part of my life. The big space has already been filled.

Am I exhausted enough to sleep now? I don't know. We'll see.

Don't Cha

2007-05-30T01:14:00.000+08:00

I know you like me
I know you do 
That's why whenever I come around
She's all over you 
And I know you want it 
It's easy to see 
And in the back of your mind 
I know you should be on with me

Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me 
Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me 
Don't cha
Don't cha 
Don't you wish your girlfriend was raw like me 
Don't you wish your girlfriend was fun like me 
Don't cha
Don't cha 

Fight the feeling 
Leave it alone
Cause if it ain't love it just ain't enough
To leave a happy home 
Let's keep it friendly 
You have to play fair 
See, I don't care 
But I know she ain't gon' wanna

I'm Back!

2007-05-29T09:04:00.000+08:00

"Magandang araw po sa inyo mga ka-You. Ako si Roan at ito ang YOU, ang programa kung saan ikaw ang bida!"

Yes folks, after a week long workshop, I'm back to my monotonous vacation life. Haha. That seminar was probably the highlight of my two months of bumming around. The past week spelled out nothing but F-U-N (oh and T-I-R-I-N-G and T-O-X-I-C). To top that off, I got a little skinnier because of my "health food" diet and prolly lack of sleep.

I met people from Laguna, Quezon, Occidental Mindoro, and Batangas. They were fun to be with which made me think why in the world did I join a mission wide event just now?

Let me give you a recap of the whole week just to let you know how tiringly fun it was.

May 21, Monday
We arrived at around 8.30 in the morning. Orientation was to start at 10. We didn't even get the chance to have even a bit of a shut eye. Anyway, I'm used to not sleeping so it really didn't matter. Had lunch at 12 and resumed the thingy at 1.30. Dinner was at 6 and at 7, the acting workshop began. Thank heavens, I joined Tanghalang Batingaw for a year. Acting was a piece of cake. Haha. We were allowed to sleep at around 1am (Note: I haven't slept the previous night and here I was burning my acting ass off). We had to be ready by 7.30 in the morning.

May 22, Tuesday
Set my alarm at 5.45, woke up thirty minutes earlier. Why not, almost all of my room mates were up. Had to bathe and eat to be prepared for later's activities. We had a boring morning session about script writing. Good thing Kuya Bobot was sitting beside me. At least I had someone to talk to and pass the time. However, I really really wish I just slept. Haha.

The afternoon event was more entertaining! We were grouped into six where we were to make our own stint depending on what was assigned to us. Our group was tasked to make ads and stuff for marketing. It was more light compared to what the other teams had to do. It was fun! Plus I got to work with those who I wanted to work with from the start. They were Luke Ivan (Occ. Mdo), Grace Ann (Lucban, Quezon), Aladin (Occ. Mdo.), Yvonne (Or. Mdo), Robert (Or. Mdo.) and our invisible groupmate Grace (Laguna).

May 23, Wednesday
On location shooting at the West Valley Complex in Masin Sur, Candelaria, Quezon was our activity for that day. Our group was assigned to do a musical act via the kids of their church. I didn't know how it went since I pulled out from my group to aid the marketing committee.

The whole day was more relaxing and the place was really good. Their church was cozy and air conditioned. A lot of us slept inside the church. Ah. Now that's what you call a house of God. Hehe.

May 24, Thursday
We had to make our own production as a group wherein drama, newscasting, hosting, musical, marketing and PA would be incorporated. I directed for our group, hosted for another and did a drama act for the 5th group. The whole shoot took us hours! Thirteen hours to be exact. Group one started at around 2pm and group six was able to finish at 3am. The life of an actor is so tiring. Haha.

May 25, Friday
After all that we did the previous night, we had to do a remake because nobody was able to reach the 45 minute quota. It was hilarious. All of us were dead tired yet we had to make another production. Good thing, Direk Raffy made all 33 of us members of a single group. The work was highly specified resulting to a speedier wrap up.

I left for Manila at around three in the afternoon. Watched Shrek the Third and Pirates of the Caribbean on Saturday and Sunday respectively. My reviews for these movies will be posted at my friendster account.

What if I was made to be a media person after all?

Just a Thought

2007-05-20T20:30:00.000+08:00

You'd notice at which month I am the busiest just by looking at the number of posts I had for that month. March only had one post. It was HELL month, I tell you. And May amazingly has eleven, the most number of entries in a month so far. May is probably the month where I bum the most! Haha!

Oh wait, with this entry, May has a dozen posts! :D

Broadcast Communication and TV Production Seminar

2007-05-20T20:12:00.000+08:00

From May 21-26, our church will be holding a week long broad comm and TV production camp. I've anticipated this event for weeks now. In a few hours, my fellow delegates will be picking me up so that we may travel together to San Pablo, Laguna where the event will be held.

However, what I'm feeling right now is far from excitement. This is the feeling I get whenever I leave home. I'm feeling really sad about having to be far away from my family for even a week. I'm definitely gonna miss my brother. Actually, I think my brother is the only person holding me back (although he really wanted me to go expecting "surprises" when I come back).

I don't know what to expect. The last time I went for a week long camp was way back in my junior year in high school (I'm an incoming senior in college). So you do the math.

I think I over packed stuff. I don't even know if I'll be using this much clothes in six days. But what the heck, it's a TV prod camp, I should always look good. Is it too much to bring a pair of slip ons, a pair of formal shoes, slippers and rubber shoes? :/ Grr.. The hard part of being a girl! Ang daming kaartehan! I had to change bags THREE times because the other two were just too small. I don't even know how many comfy shirts did I pack as opposed to those not so comfy but oh so classy.. tsk tsk.. Oh well.

I'll be bringing three bags all in all. One big back pack for majority of my stuff, one average sized body bag for small things that are important, and my laptop bag for, well, my laptop. I have to drag this thing along because we'll be editing videos and stuff (and for that I thank my ever so techy Dadei for teaching me the basic know how of video editing! :D)

I'm waiting for them to pick me up. It's 8:28 pm. They said they will be coming at around 9pm. I just hope they won't be late.

All You Wanted

2007-05-20T00:27:00.000+08:00

ALL YOU WANTED
Michelle Branch

I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away

I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone
to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the tide comes
I'd take you away

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

Love Story

2007-05-15T00:53:00.000+08:00

I cannot understand why one person would be sending me (and everyone else in her address book) emails containing several love stories. I hate these kinds of love stories, most of them are about regrets, about losing someone you hold dear, about death, about all those sad (sometimes stupid) things people do to their loved ones.

I cry a lot and I cry even at the cheesiest love stories, that's why I hate these heart breakers. They make me cry. I can feel the bittersweet emotions of the characters as the other person's love for them is unveiled but then again it is too late.

Despite me not wanting to cry over cheesy stories, here I am killing time through reading those emails. I want to feel again maybe that's why I endure the heart crushing tales. I want to feel the love the characters felt, the pain, the joy, everything.

Maybe I am just too cheesy. Maybe I am too influenced by what I see on TV or what these emails contain. I don't know. Anyway, what do I know these days?

"I'm so sick of love songs, so sad and slow. So why can't I turn off the radio?"

Halalan 2007

2007-05-14T00:16:00.000+08:00

It's seven hours before voting precints open. Seven hours and yet I still haven't filled the 12 slots for the senatorial position. Here are the names I'm sure of putting on my ballot:

1. Chiz Escudero
2. Joker Arroyo
3. Ed Angara
4. Kiko Pangilinan
5. Panfilo Lacson
6. Miguel Zubiri
7. Ralph Recto
8. Mike Defensor

I need twelve and so far only eight were qualified enough for me. I have no idea wether Aquino is good or whether he is running under the shadow of his father. Legarda is so over rated when, come to think of it, she's so balimbing. Peter Cayetano is very tactless, besides there's already a Cayetano in the senate and I am against political dynasties.

Come to think of it, even if I add these three to my list I still have one slot available. Who to put? I really have no idea. It's as if I'm asking myself "who would steal less from the country's budget?"

Here's the official list of the senatorial candidates:

1 ANGARA, Edgardo J. Ed LABAN
2 AQUINO, Benigno Simeon III C.* Noynoy Liberal Party
3 ARROYO, Joker P. Joker Kabalikat ng Malayang Pilipino
4 BAUTISTA, Martin D. Dr. B Ang Kapatiran
5 CANTAL, Felix C. Peck Philippine Green Republic Party
6 CAYETANO, Alan Peter S. ** Compa_ero Nacionalista Party
7 CAYETANO, Joselito P. *** Peter Kilusang Bagong Lipunan
8 CHAVEZ, Melchor G. Mel Kilusang Bagong Lipunan
9 COSETENG, Anna Dominique M. Nikki Independent
10 DEFENSOR, Michael T. Tol Lakas-CMD
11 ENCISO, Ruben C. Bobby Enciso Kilusang Bagong Lipunan
12 ESCUDERO, Francis Joseph G. Chiz Nationalist People’s Coalition
13 ESTRELLA, Antonio L. Tony Kilusang Bagong Lipunan
14 GOMEZ, Richard I. Goma Independent
15 HONASAN, Gregorio B. Gringo Independent
16 KIRAM, Jamalul D. Kiram PDSP
17 LACSON, Panfilo M. Ping UNO
18 LEGARDA, Loren B. Loren Nationalist People’s Coalition
19 LOZANO, Oliver O. Oli Kilusang Bagong Lipunan
20 MAGSAYSAY, Vicente P. Vic Lakas-CMD
21 MONTANO, Cesar M. Buboy Lakas-CMD
22 ORETA, Teresa Tao A. Tessie Nationalist People’s Coalition
23 ORPILLA, Eduardo F. Ed Kilusang Bagong Lipunan
24 OSMENA, John Henry R. Sonny UNO
25 PANGILINAN, Francis N. * Kiko Liberal Party
26 PAREDES, Zosimo Jesus II M. Jess Paredes Ang Kapatiran
27 PICHAY, Prospero Jr. A. Butch Lakas-CMD
28 PIMENTEL, Aquilino L. Koko PDP-Laban
29 RECTO, Ralph G. Korecto Lakas-CMD
30 ROCO, Sonia M. Inang Guro Aksyon Demokratiko
31 SINGSON, Luis C. Chavit Lakas-CMD
32 SISON, Adrian O. Dado Ang Kapatiran
33 SOTTO, Vicente III C. Tito Nationalist People’s Coaltion
34 TRILLANES, Antonio IV F. Magdalo UNO
35 VILLAR, Manuel Jr., B. Manny Nacionalista Party
36 WOOD, Victor N. Vic Kilusang Bagong Lipunan
37 ZUBIRI, Juan Miguel F. Migz Lakas-CMD

Those working under some of this people are more qualified to work in the senate than they are. Being a senator is one of the top positions in the country. Choosing who to place there is hard considering the fact that only a handful are promising enough.

They spend millions on campaign materials, what do they get in return?

What's in a Name?

2007-05-11T00:21:00.000+08:00

Romina Angela.

How unique my name sounded to me. Especially because it is he reason why Alex and I met. Long story.

"Romina Angela" was so special, I even got mad when my mom told me that she had a patient with the same name that I had. To make it worse, the parents were even proud that they named their daughter after me! Even my nick name was not left untouched! Grr!

Had I not been held back, I would have given money to the parents just so their newborn baby be supplied with a new name. I mean, come on! Is there really a shortage of names that you have to deliberately copy mine? My parents exhausted a hell lot of brain cells just to come up with a "unique" name then you have the guts to name your child after me? Put some effort into naming your kid! Imagine the pressure your child has to go through because she bears the same name as mine.

Have mercy on the kid. Change her name while she's still not in grade school or better yet, migrate to another province just so the chances of having the child enroll in the same school(s) I went to will be minimized.

It's not easy being Romina Angela especially in a town as small as Pinamalayan. You have to live up to the expectations of the people around you. As I have previously stated, I am no Hollywood superstar but it's almost the same. That name is mine and copying it does not flatter me at all.

NEVER ever copy somebody else's name especially if you and that person are within the same town or in my case, two blocks away. What will you tell your child if he/she asks the etymology of his/her name?

To everyone else out their who's planning on their children's names, be more creative. There are 26 letters in the alphabet and a lot more combinations you could make with those.

Lucky

2007-05-08T12:10:00.000+08:00

Lucky
Britney Spears

Early morning
She wakes up with a
Knock, knock, knock on the door
It's time for makeup
Perfect smile
It's you they're all waiting for

Isn't she lovely
This Hollywood girl

She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night

Lost in an image, in a dream
But there's no one there to wake her up
And the world is spinning, and she keeps on winning
But tell me what happens when it stops?
They go…
"Isn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"
And they say…

She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night

Isn't she lucky, this Hollywood girl?
She is so lucky, but why does she cry?
If there's nothing missing in her life
Why do tears come at night?

She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night
_____________________________________________________

I'm no Hollywood superstar but the story's still the same.

Bruising

2007-05-08T00:04:00.000+08:00

I bruise easily.

Well, it wasn't really a big deal because I bruise every month before I have my period. That was before I bruised two weeks after my period. I have a three inch long bruise on my left leg and several more on my thighs and knees.

I had my CBC (complete blood count) done today only to find out that my white blood cells and red blood cells are lower than normal in count. Not only that, the viscosity of my blood was also low.

Have I made it sound toxic already? That's the effect I was hoping for.. Haha! It's really not that serious. Not what a few vitamins and ferrous intakes wouldn't fix. I just wanted to make it sound worse than it is, see who'd care..

Oh no! My histrionic pangs are striking again! Tsk tsk tsk.. Pansinin nyo ko.. Hahaha! I'm really kinda out of my mind these days... I laugh a lot, not by myself though but at myself. :D

Seriously? I was hoping the CBC would be worse than what it really was. Maybe I have some sort of Münchhausen's syndrome, i dunno..

"Its never always the tears that measure the pain, sometimes its the smile we fake.."

*depression, frustration, anger, silence*

Torn

2007-05-04T23:05:00.000+08:00

Torn
Natalie Imburlgia

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that man I adored
You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for
But I dont know him anymore
Theres nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings fine Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I dont care, I have no luck, I dont miss it all that much
Theres just so many things that I cant touch, Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn. torn.

Theres nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings right, Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and Im ashamed bound and broken on the floor
Youre a little late, Im already torn
___________________________________________

Try looking for the mime version of this song in either YouTube or Spikedhumor. Sorry can't give you the link. I'm too lazy to look for it right now.. haha! I'm once again super hyper and I don't know why or I just don't want to write why, I just need to pour my hyper-ness into something like writing an ultra long sentence with very little sense at all. Whew!

It's our 32nd month tomorrow. Just stating. Nothing really special planned for the day. Unless he does something really special for tomorrow which I don't know what and am not counting on.. Hahaha! I'm enjoying this long sentences for it shows the level of hyper-ness I have in my system right now..

*pauses*

Gee.. I hope this is not some defense mechanism thingy..

Sheesh..

Tiring

2007-05-02T19:19:00.000+08:00

My head hurts, my chest feels worse.

Why do we have to quarrel every single time we get in touch? Why do you always have to use that tone of voice on me when we speak, which leads me to interpret your SMS as having the same tone. How can you expect me to warm up to you when I have to raise my defenses just so I won't be blamed (again)? Yeah, maybe I am too sensitive, too bratty, too whatever. I don't know. I seem to not understand your lingo anymore and it seems you cannot decipher mine either. Or maybe, just maybe, over the past three years we've changed a lot without even noticing it.

Stop being blind and see the fact that I am not the only one to blame for every outburst I have. Check how you speak, be conscious of the words you use, see what non verbal cues you produce. You must know by now what stuff lead me react negatively.

Do not expect me to apologize right away. I am a very proud person and accepting that I am wrong takes time, lots of it. If you get tired of waiting, don't force me to say it lest you be met with an insencere one and you know what happens next.

We've been together for almost three years now. I have changed and so have you. I don't know what the point of this last paragraph is. So there.

History Maker er.. Untamed

2007-05-01T20:54:00.000+08:00

What on earth happened to your blog Anniefair?! I was caught off guard! I was expecting a dark facade and then a very white template hits my eyes. You can just imagine my moment of unbelief (and light blindness) when I clicked your link. To top that off, you don't have a tagboard or comment area where I can place this whole thingamajig so I had to make a whole entry just to blurt out how shocking the new look of your blog was. Whew! That was a long sentence.

Anyway, read your latest entry and it seems to be a rebut to my entry. Haha! At least I know you read my stuff.

First of all, why on earth do you lack self confidence when there you are reaping 1.0s as well? That's kind of an insult to someone like me who barely makes to the CS or more so the US list. Tsk tsk.. Quoting from Tickle Me Emo "you're not the only one with issues you know!" Hehe.. just kidding (or not).. hahaha..

Secondly, kindly place a comment area on you new blog so next time I don't have to make an entry just to comment on how bright your chosen template was.

Wahaha! I'm being praning today! Well, why not? It's my birthday. I have all the right to be one.

Something went wrong with my last entry. The system won't allow me to have spaces for every paragraph so bear with it. It's kinda irritating though.

Blah blah blah.. Happy birthday to me!

Before 20

2007-05-01T00:27:00.000+08:00

"Jelai has a birthday, we're so glad.

Let us see how many she has had.

As we count the candles we are told:

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,

eleven,twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen!

Jelai is nineteen years old."

It's my last year as a teen-ager and for the first time I felt the want to stop time so that I will not grow older. What bothers me is not the fact that I have turned nineteen but the matter that in a years time, I will no longer be a teen-ager. It somehow overwhelms me with the feeling of much more added responsibilities and the force to mature - to "act my age".

While other people are thinking about going to graduate school, not getting a job right after graduation, I somehow feel the need to get a job as soon (or in at most three months) after I graduate. I feel the need to earn and save just to satisfy my needs (and some wants) without being a burden to my parents anymore. Guilt strikes me whenever my mom complains that we don't have enough money for this and that. I feel as if I need to earn just so she can take me off the Expenses List.

Ah money! If only I have to think only about myself, that would indeed be easier.

Six people have already greeted at the stroke of 12 today. I'm expecting more greetings tomorrow.

To everyone else who haven't sent their greetings yet, you can convert every message to hundred peso bills, that would really be of help. :D But since most of us are on vacation mode, I know we can barely scratch a peso from our pockets. With this matter at hand, I half-heartedly thank you for your greetings.

Kidding (or not).. :D

Anyway, Spiderman 3's first showing date is today. To everyone planning to watch it on IMAX, don't even think it's possible if you haven't had your reservations yet. It's booked til the sixth. So if you want to catch it on the first showing date, better settle with a regular cinema. Too bad, I'm in the province. Can't watch it on the first showing date, on the first showing time and be a everybody else's spoiler. That takes the fun away.

My hair's straight, I'm getting fat, I don't have a summer love (not that I'm looking for one but I want to get even with Alex's summer love last year *evil grin*), what's to entertain me this vacation?

Ah! I'm ranting too much nonsense! Probably caused by the lack of sleep I have incurred this past week I spent in Manila.

Got to have my beauty rest for later's celebration (if ever there's gonna be one).

Nighty night.. Happy birthday to me!

Drama Queen

2007-04-26T11:57:00.000+08:00

Received my grades for the past sem. Got the following marks.
OC 140: 1.25
OC 104: 1.75
OC 107: 1.75
DS 126: 1.75
DS 128: 1.75
Span 2: 2.5
Total: 1.79

So close to being a college scholar but then again something went wrong. 0.04 points away to be exact. The tendency would be for me to blame whoever gave me the lowest score, but that wouldn't help. So maybe I'll rejoice for the moment and thank God for helping me the past sem.

I wasn't able to sleep well last night (or morning). My heart is beating in a way that makes me think if I had any caffeine intake that day. I cried just so my eyes would be tired enough and sleep but that proved to be of little help at all. I'd wake up every few hours or so, check my phone for any messages and get really disappointed upon seeing that nobody remembered to send me a message. Come to think of it, it's around two or three in the morning, who'd be thinking of me that time?

I lost my momentum. Note to self: Do not read your entry at the middle of writing it.

I am waiting for someone to be with me. I still haven't felt any hint that we'd be together together today. I blame my hormones for making me today's drama queen. My head hurts from lack of sleep. But I can't breathe whenever I try to get some shut eye. Damn you heart, why do you beat so fast? I didn't drink any coffee or eat chocolates that might trigger you to react that way. Keep still please. But not too still lest I die.

I want to die. I mean, if I die I guess that'd be a relief for me. But then again, thinking of all the people I'd leave behind if I do die, I change my statement - I want to live.

Make me feel special, own me even if I'm yours. Woo me every waking moment, I am very vulnerable to change, remind me I'm yours. More so, make me feel I'm yours. I don't need mere words, I can solicit those from whoever I like to hear it. Am I asking too much? If I am blame the hormones.

By the way, I found my chucks. Thank God for that. I feel prettier now.

She Moved On

2007-04-19T00:06:00.000+08:00

Do you know the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? It's pro'ly one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's a love story led by Kate Winslett and Jim Carrey wherein both had their minds reprogrammed so that they would not remember anything about the other person. However, sometime after the whole thing they still ended up with each other... Yada yada yada, end of story.

It's been almost a year since the "infamous" girl entered our lives and left with only me not being able to recover fully. I am still hating her from the innermost depths of my feelings. They say time heals wounds, but until when will I be healed from this pang I feel every time I "accidentally" see her Friendster account, until when will I reminisce the times I hurt because of her, until when will I be affected by the mere memory of that girl and that event?

For heavens sake, she has moved on! I don't know if she's happy with her new life and somehow I pray that she isn't. Somehow I still wish she'll feel what she did to me.

Damn! I'm only making things worse for myself.

The memory of what happened a year ago seemed to hinder my emotional growth to give way to insecurity attacks. I am so tired of having to hurt every freakin' time those memories hit me. I am so sick of having to check every account he has just to be sure that there is no one else. I know he's damn tired of all the fuss I make. But then again, what am I to do? It seems that I am stuck with the bitter memory of him and her.

I don't want to be affected by her anymore. I'm so fed up with the memory of her. If the memory erasing process in Eternal Sunshine were true, I'd sign up for one no matter how expensive it is just so what she has done and everything concerning her will be of no matter to me. I want to be free from the chains I've locked myself to.

God, please set me free.

A Week After

2007-04-15T22:25:00.000+08:00

April 8-15 proved to be one of the most tiring and toxic weeks ever. But the difference between this weeks and the finals week (or month) at UP is that I coin the latter "hell week" while this proved to be the complete opposite. It was during this week that the annual Oriental Mindoro Adventist Youth Sports Festival was held at the town gymnasium of Gloria.

I had the chance of competing with eleven districts in two very exhausting games (i.e. Scrabble and Word Factory) and ended up being the champion. Ha! Beat that! *big grin*...

But what's more fun about being in this kind of activity is that you get to meet so many people where I, being a very epal person loved! I had lots of new acquaintances and got close with a few. I also was able to make stronger ties with people from our district. We had a lot of chance to bond and get to know each other better, which really proved to be worth all the drowsiness and hoarse voice. And when I say hoarse voice, I mean a really hoarse one to the point that I do not have enough voice left to speak. I have to clap just to get the attention of people more than 3 ft away from me. In other cases wherein the ones I want to talk to are near enough, I still have to speak real close to their ear for them to understand what I'm saying. It's really frustrating especially for me (being epal and all) to not be able to convey verbally what I want or feel. This is one of those times that you'd barely hear a word from me... Ah.. the frustration in that.

I got a little tanned too, which I found looks better on me. It made me look more alive. I mean comparing with my relatively fairer skin before the event, having a little more color is better.

I'm still kinda drowsy having to sleep only two hours last Saturday and being awake until three in the morning of Sunday. Wooziness is all over me. 0_o

What I'm looking forward to is the five day TV Production and Broadcast Communication Camp this May 21-25 to be held in San Pablo, Laguna. Not only will I have a free training on broad comm and tv prod, but will also have another chance to meet with the people I met during the sports fest. *jittery with excitement* Imagine, I get to be trained for free wherein if I choose the ABS-CBN workshop on June, it'll be worth 8,500php! God, thank You for the blessings.

My head feels wobbly and my throat hurts, guess I have to rest now. Hasta luego.

I Miss You

2007-04-07T23:04:00.000+08:00

“Missing someone gets easier everyday. Because, even though it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will”

Have you ever felt as if there was a cold spot in your chest longing for warmth that you yourself cannot satisfy? I don't know if I'm still making sense but that's how I feel. My breathing is starting to get heavy, I'm having a hard time finding the right words to convey how I long to be with, to feel him close to me again. I know it's only been less than a week since the last time we were together but it seems that I'm not used to be not with him anymore, it seems that my whole (well, prob'ly most of it) revolves around us, around him. Even Sun with its 24/7 Unlimited Call and Text offer is not helping. It eases the longing a bit but cannot fill the emptiness I feel.

I know, this entry sounds cheesy. Blame the movie Just Like Heaven, it makes you (me) want to be with at special someone and cuddle the night away.

I miss him, I want to be with him again. I cannot picture my life without him in it. God, if he's not for me, please do not prolong this because everyday just makes me love him more.

Vacation AT LAST! :D

2007-04-03T21:37:00.000+08:00

AT LAST!

After THREE weeks of enslaving myself with acad stuff, I'm now officially on a summer vacation! My head hurts though from having at least three days with only two hours of sleep. This is the first time I've experienced hell month to be at it's peak! For the past two years, the "hell" term was used to describe a week long event, now it lasted for a month! Unbelievable!

For the past three days, I've been doing a group project (that supposedly four people would do) that was due yesterday (Note: Parkinson's law is not applicable to video editing). I wasn't able to finish it on time (since I consist only 1/4 of the workforce) thus incurring a .25 deduction. Good thing Dadei was there to help me (although he really irritated me especially when he started complaining about having no sleep. I mean, no one of us has slept yet so quit complaining!)

My first year as an OrCom student is finally done. So far I'm enjoying it and I'm beginning to master the art of an overnight case study. I just have to wait what grade those overnight case studies will get. I'm jittery.

So there, I have to sleep 'cause I haven't slept yet and I hae to leave for Mindoro tomorrow noon. *sleep sleep sleep*

Español

2007-03-19T00:24:00.000+08:00

El semestre presente es mi ultimo clase en español. Soy feliz y triste. Feliz, porque yo no estudie espanol el semestre proximo. Triste, porque todavía no puedo hablar español bien bastante. Quiero aprender mucho español para puedo enseñar la lenguage a mi hijos y hijas. Alguna vez más adelante, estudiare mas espanol. Es por mi futuro y mi sienta bien si se hablar mucho a aqui lenguage.

Bueno, hasta luego.

Last Trip

2007-02-18T15:24:00.000+08:00

I'm 1.5 hours away from the pier. I have to leave now or else I won't make it to the last trip. Anyway, there are still lots of RORO ships where I can ride.

I'm converting videos that's taking forever to put into MP4s. Im risking my time for money. Hell! The things I do nowadays for money. NO. I am still not on the verge of selling myself for the pleasure of others. God! I'm so frustrated!

I am right now being controlled by the will to have money. Come to think of it, I shouldn't be worrying myself with how to have more money because I have more than enough for myself. Just as what my mom said "habang nagaaral ka, responsibilidad pa rin namin ikaw". I can't even really really enjoy the company of my friends or my loved ones nowadays because I am so filled with the overwhelming need to have money. I'm so frustrated because I can't even truly enjoy myself. It shouldn't be like this. I'm so... frustrated.

To everyone who's experiencing being neglected by me, I truly am sorry. It's a personal thing and I apologize for not being the Roan I used to be. It'll be over soon, I hope.

It's 3:33pm. I won't make the last trip. Still I have to go.

Happy Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T21:27:00.001+08:00

I dont wanna lose you,
I dont wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I dont wanna hate you
I dont wanna take you
But I dont wanna be the one to cry
That dont really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
Theres a reason why people dont stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just aint enough

Now I could never change you
I dont wanna blame you
Baby you dont have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking somethings gonna change

But theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
Theres a reason why people dont stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just aint enough

And theres no way home
When its late at night and youre all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay

And theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart they cant touch.
Theres a reason why people dont stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just aint enough.
Baby sometimes love just aint enough.

My 20th Post! Woohoo! :D

2007-02-14T19:00:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine's day, happy hearts day, happy valentines, hapi balentimes, maligayang araw ng mga puso! Whatever your style of greeting may be, I wish you all a very blessed heart's day!

Today i received a bouquet of flowers, got a breakfast treat, went to Ayala Museum, watched a movie, ate lunch somewhere.. yada yada yada.. How did your day go?

At the end of the day when everything to be done on valentine's day was over with, I am left staring clueless at the monitor, thinking of what to do next... *whirring of CPU fan*

I AM BORED! Damn bored!

If valentine's day would be celebrated, it should be like how Christmas is celebrated: dinner at midnight of the 14th, giving of flowers, sleep, then when day breaks you two go somewhere really non typical... Oh well, that would cost a lot. Besides, February 14th is near December 25th. People may still have no money while others may still have their Christmas trees on display.

What the heck is Valentine's day for anyway? It gives florists a chance to sell flowers when it's still not the first of November. It brings more money to companies like Ferrero Rocher, Hershey's, Cadbury, Nestle, Jack 'n Jill, and Goya. It obliges guys to spend their cash on bouquets that will eventually wilt and chocolates that would not last an hour. It gives girls who are in a relationship or a possible relationship a chance to feel special and those who are not even close to having a relationship but is desperate for one to scowl around all day and dream that prince charming would come someday.

I think Valentine's day was invented by a girl who was loveless so that she'll have an excuse to force guys to give something to her. Come to think of it, girls are the ones greatly affected by the valentine day phenomenon. How often do guys receive something on valentine's day? Heck! I haven't even handed anything to my guy today. I just skulked most of the afternoon because I was frustrated that he did not have enough money to buy me pizza. Tsk tsk... I feel bad... *scratches head*

I just realized, I haven't told him I loved him today. We actually fought over where to eat. It was primarily my mistake because I wanted to have pizza so bad but was so frustrated to have no money for it (I still want pizza though. I've been craving for it for like weeks!). I still feel bad. I'm having a bitch fit right now and I won't apologize or even make "lambing". Grrr! It makes me feel worse!

Oh well.. Got to go and find out how to end this day right.

What's Up?

2007-02-10T22:39:00.000+08:00

So yeah, its been like a month since I last wrote. So many things have happened to the point that making a blog entry for each of those would be too tiresome.. haha! What a lame excuse for being too lazy to write! :D

So, what's up lately? Well, we're (Alex and I) into laptop/pc reselling stuff. So far we sold but two (shocks! only two??) units of HP Compaq desktops. I just don't know why people would want a high end PC and then complain about the price. I mean, duh! If you don't have the money for it then settle for a PC that's mid end to low end depending on your budget.

Anyway, I find myself wondering the depth of their dumbness when it comes to being practical. On top of that I also find myself "amused" at how people with no money keep on spending their cash to upgrade computers they just bought. I mean, come on! You don't need those kinds of specifications! It's impractical and would be a mere enhancement to your already big ego.

The weather's been erratic lately. There was a couple of weeks when the temperature was so chilly it made me scared of taking a bath! The water in the morning and evening would be stingingly cold so I'd take baths on the afternoon. Imagine, Baguio was 10 degrees colder than LA. However, these past days the temperature would be so cold at night and so hot in the daytime. Not only that, during the day there would be times when it would get very cloudy and cold then after 15-30 minutes would go back to being hot. Scary. *Looks up to the sky* "Lord, are you near already?"

I've been doing great in school. My quizzes would mostly be perfect, I'd participate well in class, my reports had high marks, everything seems to be okay. I pray that this would continue 'til I graduate. "Dear God, thank You so much for Your help. I couldn't have done it without You."

I'm here in Mindoro right now, supposedly collecting data for my case study yet I seem to have no energy to do that yet. If only I had no classes on monday, I'd stay here until then. My trip earlier was one of the most tiring trips I ever had. It usually takes us only and hour and a half to travel from Calapan to Pinamalayan but earlier it took me almost three! Waah!

Anyway, I'm still too tired to write a long long long entry to compensate for the time I haven't written. So there.

*dozes off in front of the PC*

The 2nd World Pyrolympics

2007-01-14T13:16:00.000+08:00

Overwhelmingly awesome!

Last night was the final night for the 2nd World Pyrolympics event held at the esplanade of Mall of Asia. We bought tickets, costing us a hundred pesos each, for us to have sure "seats" and an unobstructed view of the fireworks display. The show was supposed to start at about 8 in the evening, but of course being Filipinos that we are, it started at about 9.

There were only two final presenters last night. We were informed that the first one will be Australia and the finale will be by the defending champion Philippines.

I cannot put into words how dazzling Australia's presentation was. You would really hear the oohs and ahhs of the people around. Mind you there were more than a thousand people there last night and we were just so thankful we decided to buy tickets. A wide array of colors lighted the night sky and after fifteen minutes or so of light display, our necks were so strained from looking up, it almost ached.

We waited for an hour or so for the Philippines' presentation and had to revert to childhood games (i.e. bahay kubo, nanay tatay, leron leron) to kill the feeling of boredom. But all the wait was worth it. If Australia's presentation was dazzling, the Philippines' display was indescribable! Walang wala yung presentation ng Australia. It was a mixture of light, smoke and sound that made it all so more than impressive. Yes Australia had the light and sound effect but it did not have the smoke to make patterns on the night sky. And even if Australia did have the light and sound, it was not as spectacular, as fantabulous, as amazing as the Pinoy's presentation. And I'm not even being biased when I say that it was really awesome! The arrangement of when specific fireworks would go out was breathtaking. Kung baga sa literature, may introduction, climax at conclusion. It was just great. The final fireworks lighted the night sky so bright, you'd think it was daybreak. And after the daybreak-like-fireworks, bits of sparks were left to light the night sky making it seem like there were huge stars that were slowly falling and losing it's brightness.

After the whole thing was over, I was on the verge of tears. I once again felt proud of being a Pinoy.

Giving My Face A Rest

2007-01-11T23:01:00.000+08:00

It's school time again, and guess what? I'm still not that excited! Even though it's been twelve days since the changing of the year I can still feel the holiday season embracing every bit of me. Why would I not feel that way when you still see the streets lined up with Christmas decors, the wind is chillier than before and there are still presents left to be wrapped, unwrapped or given away. Sheesh, when is the next national holiday coming up?

The stress of the Christmas season is evident on my skin especially on my face. Pimples popped up like mushrooms, my pores also have widened, I have started developing raccoon like eye circles and I've definitely put on some weight! For a girl who's uber conscious with the way she looks, that is so like a nightmare! *shakes hands like a bitchy blonde coño girl*

To solve this beauty dilemma, I spent my week's allowance on the following:

Olay Total Effects + : P649.50
Panoxyl (anti acne ointment): P158.75
Kankunis slimming tea: P11.75 (per sachet)

Not only that, I stopped my morning ritual of putting on make up (you'll see me now with nothing but powder on my face). Let's see how well this whole treatment goes. Oh well.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-01T11:06:00.000+08:00

Golly, I have to go back to Manila tomorrow for school. Sheesh... that takes the "happy" out of happy new year.

Anyway, since this is the first day of the new year, I didn't want this blog to be left without an entry. So, I will be listing down the most memorable things that happened (to me or not really to me) during the past year.

1. 18th birthday - no extravagant debut celebration though. If given the chance and the money, I'd still opt for the traditional party with gown thingy. After all, I really just want to parade myself wearing a gown.

2. (finally) shifted to OrCom - after two years in the university, I finally was able to shift to Organizational Communication. Not really my dream course but is also in the field that I'm good at so there. :D

3. 2nd anniversary celebration - me and Alex celebrated our 2nd anniversary at 8 waves water park and afterwards dined at seaside restaurant where we feasted on seafood at a very low price.

4. Manny Pacquiao - you name it, Pacquiao is into it. Not only is he now a world known boxing champion, he is also locally a commercial endorser, singer and actor. Whew. So much for being famous.

5. Typhoons Caloy, Reming and Seniang - these are not the only typhoons we had this year, however, these three hit Oriental Mindoro and other provinces pretty hard.

6. Starting a blog - this is probably the most successful blog of all blogs I've had. Whew. Finally.

7. May-July Affair - I've already created an entry elaborating this "affair" so I need not reiterate it. However, though I said I already let go, the scars are still there. Oh well, gotta find a cebo de macho to make these "scars" disappear.

8. N6170 and W550i - prolly the best phones me and Alex ever had and lost. There should be a death sentence served to those who took it.

9. Alex's dad - he passed away last September 22. It was really saddening and it happened so fast.

10. Playing Santa - this is the first Christmas where I really enjoyed giving gifts to the kids. You can just imagine the excited look on their faces when they open the presents. It was really fun.

Good bye 2006, bring your sad moments with you. Hello 2007, let's see what you have to offer.

Little Miracles

2006-12-29T15:16:00.001+08:00

An old woman was brought to our hospital yesterday and was confined (I do not know the reason for hospitalization though). The woman was very weak and seemed to be close to dying. Sure enough, at 12.30 pm today the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctors did resuscitation for approximately five minutes but then had to concede to the fact that the woman was dead. The woman stopped breathing, there was no heart rate and no blood pressure. Just to reiterate, the lady was dead.

At 1.45 pm a student nurse aide calmly told the head nurse "Ma'am, gumalaw po si lola." The head nurse, thinking that the movement was because the body was starting to rigor brushed the idea off and explained to the student nurse aide what might have happened. Some minutes later, another student told her that the patient who was pronounced dead earlier was breathing. Out of curiosity, the head nurse went to the patient's room to see for herself what the fuss was all about. And lo, the patient was indeed breathing! She checked the patient's heart and respiratory rate and found out that it was almost normal. The old lady's blood pressure was still zero though and she is presently in a coma. However, the point is after more than an hour she suddenly started breathing again!

The doctors and staff were baffled. Even the relatives are puzzled over what just happened and know not whether to be joyful or scared of the whole incident.

The explanation for a phenomena like this will never be answered fully by any medical practitioner. Maybe it is one of those little miracles God throws on our path just so we may remember how powerful he really is.

I'm With You

2006-12-27T21:40:00.000+08:00

If ever you were able to watch Happy Feet, then you would be familiar with the term "heart song". The little penguins were asked to sing their heart songs at the start of classes. These songs somehow best describe who they are and can be used as a basis for getting to know each other meetings and stuff like that.

Have you ever felt so alone, so empty? I have felt that frequently in the past and less frequently this days. But whenever there's this nagging feeling of loneliness, I can't easily brush it off. I feel light headed, my heart beats at irregular intervals, even my breathing is affected. It's as if everything is so superficial, so cold, so lonely. It's as if I have no one to turn to and those you expect will understand you suddenly leaves you.. all by yourself.

This song never fails to describe how I feel during these times of emptiness.

I'm With You Lyrics
Avril Lavigne

I'm standing on the bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone tryin’ to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

(Mmm..)

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know?
'Cause nothing's going right
And everything’s a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone tryin’ to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?

Oh!

Why is everything so confusing?
Maybe I'm just out of my mind

Yeahe yeahe yeah!..yeahe yeah, yeahe yeah, yeah yeah, YYYEEEAAAHHH!!...

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I!

I'm with you!
I'm with you!

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I!

I'm with you!
I'm with you!

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I

I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm with you

How Santa Feels

2006-12-22T21:35:00.001+08:00

Imagine saving money, a lot of money, for two semesters and then spending it in less than a week's time to buy presents. Imagine how it feels to have saved so much and spend nothing for yourself. Imagine what it feels to receive a gift every Christmas and then suddenly, one Christmas, nothing. Just imagine.

When I think really hard about how much I spent on presents alone and haven't bought any for myself or for Alex, a sudden rush of disappointment envelopes me. To top that off, I haven't seen a gift with my name on it under the tree! For a kid who's used to receiving gifts every Christmas, it feels awful.

But, let us look back to the time when I was shopping for presents. I really didn't have time to think about myself. All I thought of was "I think (insert name here) will be happy with this" and impulsively bought that/those gift(s). I spent sleepless nights (I'm a nocturnal person) wrapping gifts with an increasing feeling of excitement after each present was wrapped. Eaach day, I would bug my mom to open the gift I have for her (of course she said wait). I was more excited than those who will receive my gifts! Just the thought of how they will react after seeing what I got them for Christmas really makes me jittery. By and by it really didn't matter whether I'll receive any this season, heck I'm not even excited of getting any!

I guess that's one of the essentials of this season. It is when one has to learn what "selflessness" really means and feels. It is when one discovers the joy of giving and seeing others happy with what you gave them.

This Christmas, I am playing Santa Claus. I guess it comes with growing up. After all, I already had my share of gifts for the past seventeen years. Now it's my turn to make the little ones' holliday special.

The joy of Christmas gifts are for kids, the joy of giving Christmas gifts are for older folks.

A Little Something To Make You Smile

2006-12-21T09:33:00.001+08:00

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you
would have produced enough sound energy to heat one
cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months,
enough gas is produced to create the energy of an
atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps
out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head
before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an
hour.
(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality
over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years
longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

I was sorting through my Yahoo! Mail yesterday and found this e-mail that I found rather funny. I might be posting old mail from my inbox every now and then.

By the way, these trivia are factual.

My Top Ten Christmas Wishlist

2006-12-19T22:57:00.000+08:00

This list may seem selfish and oh so cruel to those whose minds are for the welfare of all mankind. I apologize if it may seem that way but I won't be a hypocrite and put here stuff that I really don't want. Why wish for something you don't like anyway?

Don't get me wrong. I still want world peace and stuff like that.

Here goes:

10: A Mac notebook
My laptops still working, yeah. But for business and aesthetic purposes I need a computer with more memory and speed. I also need a computer that I can bring wherever I want. At the same time my Gateway is sort of dilapidated so I want a new notebook that is better in terms of specs and looks.

9: A Sony Ericson K800i
I'm a camwhore. Excuse me for the term. An SE K800i is the phone for me because it functions as a phone and as a megapixel camera at the same time. So far, K800i is the best camera phone there is that is not too flashy in terms of looks (unlike the Nokia N Series), not too bulky, and can still function well as a regular phone. However, if you could offer me a phone with a built in force field and stun gun, I'd gladly pay for it. =D

8. A new wardrobe
I'm kinda tired of wearing the same old clothes each day to school. Yeah I have a lot of clothes but I don't wear all of them. I'll have to sort them out and dispose (a.k.a. give away or sell) those that I don't and will never wear. All I want are new styles of shirts and jeans and I'll be fine with that.

7. All expense paid trip to Hongkong Disneyland for five
Going to HK Disneyland won't be fun if you're all alone. Besides I've never been out of the country moreso I've never been to Disneyland. I want my first trip there to be uber fun and with my family and/or friends with me.

6. Calvin and Hobbes Seven Comic Book Collection
I LOVE Calvin and Hobbes. The whole collection costs around 3000 pesos and I can't afford it. So if you can please give it to me for Christmas, you'd make me happy. By the way, the comic book is available at Powerbooks. I'll be waiting. *sweet smile*

The next five things are what I need more.

5. A new umbrella
My umbrella's ancient! I've had it ever since I was in first year college. And because it's so ancient, two of it's eight wire that serves as support are wrecked. I still use it though because I can't force myself to buy a hundred and fifty umbrella from Watson's. I have to have something that's tougher than my old umbrella. NOTE: The umbrella should be BLUE.

4. Two bottles of Suave Hair Mousse
I had my hair permed and repermed and repermed and now the curls are not that visible because I've emptied my mousse bottle two weeks ago. I didn't buy a new bottle because I bought hair gel instead which was a lot cheaper BUT makes my hair as hard as metal wires. :(

3. Two yellow and orange Stabilo Boss Highlighters
I'm an OC when it comes to highlighting reading materials. Before school ended for Christmas, my highlighters were coloring pale yellow and very pale orange a grave sign that they are about to retire. I'll be needing new ones for next year. I need two so that the other pair will serve as reserve highlighters.

2. MONEY
I spent more than 5k on Christmas shopping this year. Huhuhuhu.. All my sem's savings.. Gone! And I haven't even bought anything for myself or for mom or for Alex. Too bad. The gifts were for the kids I know. I need to earn this Christmas through selling MP4s and stuff like that OR you could make my life easier and give me 5K in cold hard cash instead. *evil grin*

1. A daily devotional book
I need something to nourish me spiritually every day. If you can give me something other than The Daily Bread, something more insightful, something more.. I'd be so blessed. I have to do my QTs more regularly and a new devotional book is just what I need to fuel me.

To those who will grant my wishes, I thank you in advance. To those who won't, you'll have to double your gifts next year.

In A Week's Time

2006-12-19T09:40:00.000+08:00

In a week's time the 25th of December, also known as the Christmas day will be arriving. People from almost all over the world will be celebrating or at the very least commemorating what this day stands for. But do they know what Christmas really signifies?

Within the last three weeks storm after storm has hit the Philippines. The last week of November brought with it supertyphoon Reming, which brought havoc to the Bicol area and other localities near Bicol. Before the first week of December was finished, typhoon Seniang hit the country terrorizing those in the Southern Tagalog region. On the third week of December the Philippines is once again drinking in the effects of now ongoing typhoon Tomas. Next week will be Christmas after that, what's next?

"Signs of the times are everywhere
There's a brand new feeling in the air."

First an outburst of wars we felt. Nation against nation, nation against itself. Then there were outbreaks of various diseases and at the same time an outbreak of numerous drugs to cure or at the very least suppress these diseases and make it seem like it's gone. This year we have felt five storms, where three of which came in a matter of days after the other. Is the end really about to come?

Sadly I am one of those Christians who are not well versed thus I could not give you the exact verses where the signs of the soon return are indicated. Despite that I truly believe that all these things that are happening right now and for the past years are designed to wake us up to the reality that we must be prepared for the return of Christ and for our final judgement.

No, I am not going to share with you the ever so cliched Christmas story. I'm pretty sure you know it. I am not also scaring you to the point that you'd end up having fellowship with a religious group you barely know and have faith in, in fear that you will not be saved. Fear cannot save a person, only faith to the true Savior and Redeemer.

So what is the point of this entry? I still don't know myself. All I am saying is by now we should be more conscious of what's happening around us, to our country, to our world. This is not a lecture entry, THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL to those who believe that they may start evaluating themselves and start reaching out to others, to those who don't that they may start reassessing themselves and decide, and to me that I may start becoming a better person physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually.

Believing in Christ is a win win situation.

If we believe, do His commands and at the end He and those that are written in the Bible are not true, we still lived a good life and touched other people's lives positively by doing so.

If we believe, do His commands and at the end He exists and all those that are written in the Bible are true, then we have a sure ticket to eternal life.

We have nothing to lose. Why not give faith in Christ a shot?

A Very Long Weekend

2006-11-30T00:10:00.000+08:00

November 30 is Bonifacio Day, a national holiday and a day of celebration for Filipinos espescially for students who mark all the calendar slots of the national holidays. It is a time to commemorate the heroic deeds Bonifacio has done for the Philippines and reflect on his life's works. Rrrriiiiigght... If classes weren't suspended on national holidays, I don't think people would even remember who/what the day is for.

Aaanyway...

December 1 (friday) classes were cancelled so that the November 30 celebration would not affect the overall flow of the week. Yey! a three day week end!

(Un)fortunately however, Thursday classes also had to be cancelled because of the typhoon Reming that was supposedly to hit NCR. I had no classes on Wednesday making my weekend five days long. Wow! NOw what do you do with a five day long weekend?

Since yesterday, I have been waiting for the storm to hit NCR. With all the excitement and clamor the Super Typhoon Reming has built up, it is no wonder that a lot of people is anticipating it's ravaging effects. However, no storm came save for the few raindrops we felt early morning today. Don't blame me for being somewhat disappointed because the storm changed path. The issue was already hyped and was even said to be stronger than Milenyo, yet I did not feel its effects.. Tsk tsk..

But after all this clamor about the storm, I am still thankful that we didn't die because of it's effects unlike those in the Bicol region. God may still be somehow saving us, saving me for a bigger task he has prepared.

Music Zealous - After Two and a Half Years

2006-11-19T10:32:00.000+08:00

To be with old friends again is really fun, espescially if you haven't been together for a long time.

The Music Zealous, a singing group where I belong, was founded in 2001. I am one of the founding members and probably one of the best alto singers they ever had.. haha! Well anyway, I stopped, no not really stopped rather sang less when I along with my batchmates went to college. Heck, the group was in Mindoro, how are we supposed to sing from Manila? The members sort of lost contact with each other. Our leaders migrated to Manila as well. There were but a few members left without a leader. Most of the original members got together two and a half years ago, that was also the last time I remember we last sang together.The Music Zealous ceased to exist after three years, or so most of us thought.

Yesterday was a day to really remember. After two and a half years with almost no contact with each other, except for those who frequently go back to Mindoro, we got together and sang together in a church where we were completely strangers. We sang most of the time and maybe got a little carried away with the feeling of singing together again thus making the whole program seem like a musical program with a few speeches. The following are the members who were there:

Kuya Robert - now an literature evangelist
Ate Lorie - now a mother of two very pretty daughter
Dempsy - without you there would be no get together
Kuya Karl - thank you for helping Dempsy make this possible
Che - salamat at lumabas ka rin ng AUP.. =D
Glaiza - you really changed a lot.. nakakabigla
MM - all grown up and becomming more beautiful
Micah - still shy but definitely a dalaga now
Shiela - working and earning.. wow!
Heidi - came with two escorts and wouldn't even introduce to us who the real boyfriend was! Tsk Tsk..
Ivan - still kikay, still so conscious about his looks but now his hairstyle's like astroboy's! haha
Samuel - inang mother.. still the same
Daryl - really tall and good looking.. You should really go for modelling Daryl.
March - a working student at AUP.. he's taking up electronics
Roan

The best surprise for me was not those people who came but when Auen sang solo. She is the eldest daughter of our director who, when I last saw her, was still a chubby little kid who still speaks bulol. Now, she's sings and mind you she sings very well for a six year old.

Some had to go home early, around 3:30pm. Others went a little after 6pm. We stayed until 8. The day was truly a blessing for all of us. Not only were we able to see each other again and catch up with each other's lives but we were able to sing together again for the Lord. It was a fun get together and we're planning to have another one like it to be held in BAESA, kuya Robert's place.

To those who were not able to come, too bad for you. hehe... Be there next time.. =D

Third Year at Last!

2006-11-17T15:22:00.000+08:00

The first week of classes has officially begun. I am currently enrolled in 18 units (6 subjects). Four out of six subjects are majors and the other two are cognates. Yikes.. After three years in UP I can now call myself a bonifide junior.

Hell week hasn't begun yet, well not really. But for me, it's as if I have this new drive to become uber toxic even in the first days of classes. Well why not? After three years, this will be the first time that I'd immerse myself in "so much" major subjects. In the past two years I majored in GE (minors) and minored in Pol Sci. I had a change in majors last sem. From GE I became an Organizational Communications major, minoring in Psychology. Oooh.. Cool.. ^_^

Honestly, it's as if I'm a freshie again. The feeling is overwhelming. To be taking up majors you really want to take up is truly exciting. This will be my schedule for this sem:

MTh:

10.00-11.30 Org Comm 107 (Intercultural Communication)
1.00-2:30 Spanish 2

Wed:
8:30-11.30 Org Comm 140 (Organizational Communication Theories)

TF:
8:30-10.00 Org Comm 104 (Interpersonal Communication)
10.00-11.30 Dev Stud 128 (Human Resouce Management)
1.00-2.30 Dev Stud 126 (I forgot what this was.. )

My schedule's still kinda free. Anyone who wants to stalk me now knows my sched. So there. *stalk stalk stalk*

I give my thanks to Alex who "fixed" my blog layout and made it more interesting. *Thank you*

The 6th Beginning

2006-11-07T21:38:00.000+08:00

Sheesh.. Here I am figuring out how to delete songs from iPod when what I should be thinking about is the incoming semester! Damn! I'm in 3rd year already? I feel really old. Well, maybe I should start acting more mature and more responsibly.. (I still can't believe that I'll be graduating in less than two years..) *stares blankly at the monitor*

[NOTE: Do not take this instructor's class]

The past sem was quite okay. I did relatively well although my grades were not high enough to qualify for the CS slot. I give the credit of my not achieving a GWA of 1.75 to Sir Abe Padilla, my Anthro 185 prof who gave me a shocking 3.0! Ang masaya pa, bago magtapos ang klase ipinagmalaki nyang passing lang ang binibigay nyang grade! Wow.. Really impressive. Because of that 3.0 my GWA averaged only 2.0 (1.958).. NIce.. Really nice.

I read Faye's blog (www.odalcaria.blogspot.com) a while ago and I would have to agree to what she said about Prof. Atoy Navarro. I consider him as one of the best professors I ever had in UP. Yun tipong strikto na matalino na magaling magturo at siguradong marami kang matututunan. Not only that, he gives just consideration to the effort a student has excerted in his class. And really, he does hand out 1s to everyone who deserves it. I got a 1.5 in his class though I am aware that I barely passed the finals. I deserved that grade despite the final exams. Heck, the whole class (with exception of a few) excerted a lot of effort just to satisfy his whims regarding papers, presentations, and recitations. And believe me, those whims were very hard to satiate. Thank you so much sir Atoy for acknowledging our efforts.

[NOTE: Author highly recommends this professor]

I am once again at the brink of a new semester. New teachers, new subjects, a new chance to get high grades (which I doubt because from what I just heard, DAC teachers have "high" standards a.k.a. give low grades). But as the saying goes, "Do you best and God will do the rest." I'll do my best and trust God to work miracles in the teachers hearts.. ^_^

iPod + iTunes = Stupid?

2006-11-07T21:08:00.000+08:00

Hindi ko alam kung ako ang natatanga sa paggamit ng iPod o meron talagang mali sa set-up ng iPod. Either way sumasakit na ang ulo ko sa pagkutinting ng ipod ng pinsan ko.

Dahil malapit na ang pasko, malapit na rin ang birthday nya at gagraduate na rin sya ng elementary sa March, niregaluhan ng tita ko na nasa states ang pinsan ko ng 1GB na iPod nano. Wow! buti pa sya, samantalang nung nag debut ako, $120 lang ang binigay sa akin.. tsktsk.. Anyway dahil ako lang ang marunong mag-upload ng songs sa mp3/mp4 players dito sa probinsya, sa akin nagpa-upload ang pinsan ko.

I was able to put 118 songs (non converted) to the iPod with no trouble at all. However, I needed to transfer almost 1GB of files to the lap top from the desktop for burning. Nung idi-delete ko na ang files, hindi ko sya magawa. Sinunod ko yung nasa manual at napagod lang ako. Ang finaflash ng iTunes sa monitor e zero(0) songs pero kapag tiningnan ang available memory ng iPod, hindi nadagdagan.

I went to the Apple website to find out how to delete songs from nano's memory. Ang dami nya'ng nilabas na search results pero nung nag click ako ng lick ang lumabas "This page cannot be found." I tried it a lot of links but the result was still the same.

I'm really getting frustrated because I need to burn the files badly. Tsk tsk. Why can't Apple just put a "delete song" or "delete songs" option so that it would be a lot easier. Honestly the whole proccess of selecting songs from the iTunes library then right clicking then choosing "clear" and re-updating the iPod is so complicated that in my case, it just won't work.

Hay.. Ngayon nagta-tyaga akong maglipat ng walong files na approx. 180MB ang isa gamit ang 256MB na flash disk. Good luck naman sa kin, anong petsa pa ko matatapos...

T_T

I Let Go

2006-11-02T18:44:00.000+08:00

This will be my first ever written entry regarding what happened last May. The event involved yours truly, yours truly's boyfriend, and a certain girl that we can hide by the name Kristine Faith.

Last May 2006, yours truly's boyfriend's sister texted him that a girl who was a bride's maid at her wedding and a cousin of her husband claims to be a friend of him from way back their elementary days. Kristine Faith(not her real name) said that she and yours truly's boyfriend met at a science camp or press conference (I'm really not sure which is which because it seems that they met on both occasions). She insisted that she knew yours truly's boyfriend. Yours truly's boyfriend on the other hand was intrigued by who this long-lost-friend could be so he asked for the girl's number. He saw her picture, he knew the name, she did not even ring a bell yet they had this texting relationship that lasted until last September.

They saw each other behind my back. I was aware that there was a girl, a friend but there was just this nagging feeling that something was not right so I continued to nag yours truly's boyfriend every now and then to STOP whatever was going on between them. He said it was nothing. I didn't believe him.

June 14, 2006 around 4 in the afternoon. We were at our org's tambayan, he had to go to the bathroom so he left me his phone. The girl coincidentally texted
"Be (short for baby) kain tayo...ü"
I instantly felt cold.
"Be?!" was all I can think of responding.
She said "Oo, bakit? Ayaw mo ba? Dilis ang ulam ko"

I went to where yours truly's boyfriend was, fortunately he was not inside the boy's toilet or else i would have had to go in. I could not say anything. I just wept. The issue lasted for more than a month. Heck, it "ended" only last September. It ended for them, but the hurt was still and I don't know until when it will be fresh for me.

During the course of our conference regarding the matter, I found out that they already had exchanged I love yous as a joke. A very careless joke indeed. I also found out that they have been calling each other "Be" for quite sometime. The girl admitted to have fallen for yours truly's boyfriend. Kristine Faith(not her real name) said she had this feeling since they were in grade school. She believed in fate so much - i.e. she being a bride's maid in his sister's wedding, she getting hold of her number, she having this communication with yours truly's boyfriend - that everything was as if it was God's plan for her!

I let this matter pass for a while because she told me that she did not know that yours truly's boyfriend had a girlfriend. I couldn't blame her for falling for him especially if she did not know that yours truly's boyfriend's real status was. I accepted this alibi and blamed it all on him. Well, this was until yours truly's boyfriend's sister told me that she already told Kristine Faith(not her real name) that her brother was already taken.

She become my friend on Friendster, I read her blogs, bulletin posts and kept an eye on her. I loathed every bit of her. I said I won't forget the hurt she caused as long as I lived and I wanted her to suffer just the same.

On the proccess of despising her, I noticed that it brought more hurt to me than it did to Kristine Faith(not her real name). Everytime I refreshed the memories of the May-September affair, I couldn't help but writhe in pain inside. I was hurting more. She was going on with her life.

Tonight I am letting go.

I have deleted her name in my list of friends. I have exposed my feelings to the whole internet community hoping that someday she would read this and be aware of what I felt. What she did, I will not forget but at least the pain won't be that much and eventually dissappear.

Iam still with yours truly's boyfriend. I hope I am stronger. I wish this would not happen again.

With heavy exhalation of air, I let go.

Undas

2006-11-02T09:26:00.000+08:00

"Tinatamad ka bang dalawing ang
iyong loved ones sa sementeryo?
Text DALAW ON at i-send sa 2366.
Sila mismo and dadalaw sayo! Text na!"

Isa lang yan sa mga jokes tungkol sa undas na natanggap ko kahapon. Yung ibang sinabihan ko na ang mga loved ones na lang namin ang dapat dumalaw sa min, medyo nag freak out. Ayan tuloy, naakusahan pa ko na wala daw akong paggalang sa patay. Sorry sa maooffend pero galangin ko man ang patay o hindi, hindi na rin nila malalaman yun.

Sa totoo lang, nagkaroon ng impact sa akin yung text messages na nagsa-suggest na tayo dapat ang dinadalaw ng mga yumao nating mahal sa buhay. Bakit kamo? Dahil sa totoo naman bukod sa kaligayahang naidudulot ng pagkansela ng mga klase at pasok sa pampamahalaan at ibang pampribadong institusyon, sobrang stress physically, financially at emotionally ang naibibigay ng Undas.

Sa mga balita tuwing undas nandyan kadalasan ang sobrang traffic at pagsisiksikan sa mga pier (physical stress), ang pagiging in demand ng bulaklak, pintura at kandila na hindi naman pinagaatubiliang taasan ng presyo ng mga nagtitinda (financial stress). Nanriyan din ang muling paggunita sa mga maliligayang panahong na kasama ang mga loved ones na minsa'y nagiging dahilan pa ng kanilang maagang pagkamatay (emotional stress). Tsk tsk.

Ganito ba talaga ka-gahul ang tao sa oras at kailangan pang magsiksikan sa mga sementeryo tuwing November 1? Hindi ba nila pwedeng gawin yun, ang pagdalaw at pag-aayos ng puntod, sa ibang araw kung kelan mas konti ang tao, mas mura ang mga paninda, at kung kelan makakapag grave robbing pa?

Anyway, dapat din nating makita ang kabutihang naidudulot ng Undas. Una, nagkakaroon ng instant reunion ang mag-anak. Dito nagkakatipon tipon ulit ang mga kasambahay na matagal nagkawalay. Ang masaya pa, every year nauulit to. Yun nga lang, every year paunti na rin ng paunti ang dumadalaw at parami ng parami ang dinadalaw.

Pangalawa, FOOD. Oo, nagkakaroon ng mga munting salu salo sa mga puntod ng minamahal kung saan matapos iyakan at tirikan ng kandila ang nitso ay lalatagan ng mantel at gagawing dining table ang mga ito. Shet! Dual purpose!

Pangatlo, nagiging malinis at kaaya ayang tingnan muli ang mga sementeryo. Ewan ko kung bakit pero parang may annual schedule ang mga kamag-anak na i-redecorate ang mga nitso/mosoleum/lupa kung saan naroon ang mga namatay ng loved ones.

Siguro marami pang benefits ang Undas na di ko nailagay, kayo na lang bahala magdadagdag. Basta ako, hinayaan kong sila ang dumalaw sa akin. Unfortunately, mukhang hinintay din nila na ako ang dadalaw sa kanila. So, sa katapus tapusan, di din kami nagpangita.

Porque?

2006-11-01T15:27:00.000+08:00

These are the questions going on my mind at present. Questions where i need neither a yes or a no answer. Questions that need a hell lot of explanation for an answer...

1. Why do people blog?
I mean, what the heck is it with publishing your thoughts, feelings online?

2. Why am I blogging?
A question I myself could only answer. It may take a little while before I find the reason for this act though. My answer to this might lead to my finding the answer for the first question.

3. Why can't I get a certain girl out of my mind?
She tried and was on the process of stealing my boyfriend a few months back and I still want her dead, why? Sorry..

4. Why do I feel so empty?
Oh God, I think I really need You.

5. Why do I have this undying urge to make a lot of money?

Come to think of it, it is I who needs to discover the answers to these questions. A little bit of self discovery, as many would put it. *sigh* Oh well, another journey to the self. I thought I already got a 1.5 in that subject (Psych 10)? Anyway, here I am taking another journey back to the self because really, I still don't have a clue to who I really am, what I really want, and who I will become...

I think my template's cool by the way. So white, as if everything is so serene. Well, it's still AS IF.