I Let Go

This will be my first ever written entry regarding what happened last May. The event involved yours truly, yours truly's boyfriend, and a certain girl that we can hide by the name Kristine Faith.

Last May 2006, yours truly's boyfriend's sister texted him that a girl who was a bride's maid at her wedding and a cousin of her husband claims to be a friend of him from way back their elementary days. Kristine Faith(not her real name) said that she and yours truly's boyfriend met at a science camp or press conference (I'm really not sure which is which because it seems that they met on both occasions). She insisted that she knew yours truly's boyfriend. Yours truly's boyfriend on the other hand was intrigued by who this long-lost-friend could be so he asked for the girl's number. He saw her picture, he knew the name, she did not even ring a bell yet they had this texting relationship that lasted until last September.

They saw each other behind my back. I was aware that there was a girl, a friend but there was just this nagging feeling that something was not right so I continued to nag yours truly's boyfriend every now and then to STOP whatever was going on between them. He said it was nothing. I didn't believe him.

June 14, 2006 around 4 in the afternoon. We were at our org's tambayan, he had to go to the bathroom so he left me his phone. The girl coincidentally texted
"Be (short for baby) kain tayo...ü"
I instantly felt cold.
"Be?!" was all I can think of responding.
She said "Oo, bakit? Ayaw mo ba? Dilis ang ulam ko"

I went to where yours truly's boyfriend was, fortunately he was not inside the boy's toilet or else i would have had to go in. I could not say anything. I just wept. The issue lasted for more than a month. Heck, it "ended" only last September. It ended for them, but the hurt was still and I don't know until when it will be fresh for me.

During the course of our conference regarding the matter, I found out that they already had exchanged I love yous as a joke. A very careless joke indeed. I also found out that they have been calling each other "Be" for quite sometime. The girl admitted to have fallen for yours truly's boyfriend. Kristine Faith(not her real name) said she had this feeling since they were in grade school. She believed in fate so much - i.e. she being a bride's maid in his sister's wedding, she getting hold of her number, she having this communication with yours truly's boyfriend - that everything was as if it was God's plan for her!

I let this matter pass for a while because she told me that she did not know that yours truly's boyfriend had a girlfriend. I couldn't blame her for falling for him especially if she did not know that yours truly's boyfriend's real status was. I accepted this alibi and blamed it all on him. Well, this was until yours truly's boyfriend's sister told me that she already told Kristine Faith(not her real name) that her brother was already taken.

She become my friend on Friendster, I read her blogs, bulletin posts and kept an eye on her. I loathed every bit of her. I said I won't forget the hurt she caused as long as I lived and I wanted her to suffer just the same.

On the proccess of despising her, I noticed that it brought more hurt to me than it did to Kristine Faith(not her real name). Everytime I refreshed the memories of the May-September affair, I couldn't help but writhe in pain inside. I was hurting more. She was going on with her life.

Tonight I am letting go.

I have deleted her name in my list of friends. I have exposed my feelings to the whole internet community hoping that someday she would read this and be aware of what I felt. What she did, I will not forget but at least the pain won't be that much and eventually dissappear.

Iam still with yours truly's boyfriend. I hope I am stronger. I wish this would not happen again.

With heavy exhalation of air, I let go.