She Moved On

Do you know the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? It's pro'ly one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's a love story led by Kate Winslett and Jim Carrey wherein both had their minds reprogrammed so that they would not remember anything about the other person. However, sometime after the whole thing they still ended up with each other... Yada yada yada, end of story.

It's been almost a year since the "infamous" girl entered our lives and left with only me not being able to recover fully. I am still hating her from the innermost depths of my feelings. They say time heals wounds, but until when will I be healed from this pang I feel every time I "accidentally" see her Friendster account, until when will I reminisce the times I hurt because of her, until when will I be affected by the mere memory of that girl and that event?

For heavens sake, she has moved on! I don't know if she's happy with her new life and somehow I pray that she isn't. Somehow I still wish she'll feel what she did to me.

Damn! I'm only making things worse for myself.

The memory of what happened a year ago seemed to hinder my emotional growth to give way to insecurity attacks. I am so tired of having to hurt every freakin' time those memories hit me. I am so sick of having to check every account he has just to be sure that there is no one else. I know he's damn tired of all the fuss I make. But then again, what am I to do? It seems that I am stuck with the bitter memory of him and her.

I don't want to be affected by her anymore. I'm so fed up with the memory of her. If the memory erasing process in Eternal Sunshine were true, I'd sign up for one no matter how expensive it is just so what she has done and everything concerning her will be of no matter to me. I want to be free from the chains I've locked myself to.

God, please set me free.