Drama Queen

Received my grades for the past sem. Got the following marks.
OC 140: 1.25
OC 104: 1.75
OC 107: 1.75
DS 126: 1.75
DS 128: 1.75
Span 2: 2.5
Total: 1.79

So close to being a college scholar but then again something went wrong. 0.04 points away to be exact. The tendency would be for me to blame whoever gave me the lowest score, but that wouldn't help. So maybe I'll rejoice for the moment and thank God for helping me the past sem.

I wasn't able to sleep well last night (or morning). My heart is beating in a way that makes me think if I had any caffeine intake that day. I cried just so my eyes would be tired enough and sleep but that proved to be of little help at all. I'd wake up every few hours or so, check my phone for any messages and get really disappointed upon seeing that nobody remembered to send me a message. Come to think of it, it's around two or three in the morning, who'd be thinking of me that time?

I lost my momentum. Note to self: Do not read your entry at the middle of writing it.

I am waiting for someone to be with me. I still haven't felt any hint that we'd be together together today. I blame my hormones for making me today's drama queen. My head hurts from lack of sleep. But I can't breathe whenever I try to get some shut eye. Damn you heart, why do you beat so fast? I didn't drink any coffee or eat chocolates that might trigger you to react that way. Keep still please. But not too still lest I die.

I want to die. I mean, if I die I guess that'd be a relief for me. But then again, thinking of all the people I'd leave behind if I do die, I change my statement - I want to live.

Make me feel special, own me even if I'm yours. Woo me every waking moment, I am very vulnerable to change, remind me I'm yours. More so, make me feel I'm yours. I don't need mere words, I can solicit those from whoever I like to hear it. Am I asking too much? If I am blame the hormones.

By the way, I found my chucks. Thank God for that. I feel prettier now.

She Moved On

Do you know the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? It's pro'ly one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's a love story led by Kate Winslett and Jim Carrey wherein both had their minds reprogrammed so that they would not remember anything about the other person. However, sometime after the whole thing they still ended up with each other... Yada yada yada, end of story.

It's been almost a year since the "infamous" girl entered our lives and left with only me not being able to recover fully. I am still hating her from the innermost depths of my feelings. They say time heals wounds, but until when will I be healed from this pang I feel every time I "accidentally" see her Friendster account, until when will I reminisce the times I hurt because of her, until when will I be affected by the mere memory of that girl and that event?

For heavens sake, she has moved on! I don't know if she's happy with her new life and somehow I pray that she isn't. Somehow I still wish she'll feel what she did to me.

Damn! I'm only making things worse for myself.

The memory of what happened a year ago seemed to hinder my emotional growth to give way to insecurity attacks. I am so tired of having to hurt every freakin' time those memories hit me. I am so sick of having to check every account he has just to be sure that there is no one else. I know he's damn tired of all the fuss I make. But then again, what am I to do? It seems that I am stuck with the bitter memory of him and her.

I don't want to be affected by her anymore. I'm so fed up with the memory of her. If the memory erasing process in Eternal Sunshine were true, I'd sign up for one no matter how expensive it is just so what she has done and everything concerning her will be of no matter to me. I want to be free from the chains I've locked myself to.

God, please set me free.

A Week After

April 8-15 proved to be one of the most tiring and toxic weeks ever. But the difference between this weeks and the finals week (or month) at UP is that I coin the latter "hell week" while this proved to be the complete opposite. It was during this week that the annual Oriental Mindoro Adventist Youth Sports Festival was held at the town gymnasium of Gloria.

I had the chance of competing with eleven districts in two very exhausting games (i.e. Scrabble and Word Factory) and ended up being the champion. Ha! Beat that! *big grin*...

But what's more fun about being in this kind of activity is that you get to meet so many people where I, being a very epal person loved! I had lots of new acquaintances and got close with a few. I also was able to make stronger ties with people from our district. We had a lot of chance to bond and get to know each other better, which really proved to be worth all the drowsiness and hoarse voice. And when I say hoarse voice, I mean a really hoarse one to the point that I do not have enough voice left to speak. I have to clap just to get the attention of people more than 3 ft away from me. In other cases wherein the ones I want to talk to are near enough, I still have to speak real close to their ear for them to understand what I'm saying. It's really frustrating especially for me (being epal and all) to not be able to convey verbally what I want or feel. This is one of those times that you'd barely hear a word from me... Ah.. the frustration in that.

I got a little tanned too, which I found looks better on me. It made me look more alive. I mean comparing with my relatively fairer skin before the event, having a little more color is better.

I'm still kinda drowsy having to sleep only two hours last Saturday and being awake until three in the morning of Sunday. Wooziness is all over me. 0_o

What I'm looking forward to is the five day TV Production and Broadcast Communication Camp this May 21-25 to be held in San Pablo, Laguna. Not only will I have a free training on broad comm and tv prod, but will also have another chance to meet with the people I met during the sports fest. *jittery with excitement* Imagine, I get to be trained for free wherein if I choose the ABS-CBN workshop on June, it'll be worth 8,500php! God, thank You for the blessings.

My head feels wobbly and my throat hurts, guess I have to rest now. Hasta luego.